Ah...this brings back memories. I went off in AU land for quite some time after the show left me disenchanted, but this episode, Love Bites, was screaming for a better ending so I just couldn't help myself. Besides...I just love writing angry sex 
Never Again
Go away!
The pounding at his door wouldnt stop. Not much unlike the pounding in his head as he tried to forget.
Leave me alone! he grumbled loudly, hoping that his fair-weathered friends hadnt concocted a half-assed intervention on his behalf.
Pacey pressed his forearm over his face as his other hand manipulated the stereos remote. He brought the pulsating music up to an obnoxiously loud level to drown out the knocking and any other stupid thoughts that might creep into his mind.
Like professing his love to Joey Potter.
The music stopped abruptly and as he made eye contact with his intruder, he groaned. Get out of here.
I just wanted to talk.
Pacey sighed loudly, climbing off the couch and stumbling toward the kitchen in search of something stronger to drink. Well, I think we said everything we needed to say.
You didnt say anything, Pace. You just walked away.
I didnt have anything else to say, Joey. And dont call me Pace.
Joey crinkled up her brow as she approached him slowly. She knew he was hurting, like a wounded animal. An animal that she had wounded to be precise. Ive been calling you Pace forever. Whats changed?
He smiled as his hands slid over the slim bottle hidden in the back of the freezer. On the contrary, Josephine. You didnt call me Pace until we started dating. And as ofoh three hours ago, you ended that. So if you feel like calling Eddie Ed, then go for it. But dont ever call me Pace again.
He turned to face her, really looking at her since the first time shed arrived. Her hair clung to her face in clumps, her make-up smeared, and her eyes puffy. Her clothes were soaked, even through her heavy coat. She still wore the same dress shed worn to the dance, but now it looked sheer. Her body was covered in goose bumps, visible even from where he stood. He cast his eyes away as they traveled over the stiffened peaks protruding from below her neckline. So what happened to you? he asked, feigning disinterest.
She sniffled. I walkedI walked here from his house.
Paceys brow furrowed. Whats wrong? Were you too late? Did Mr. Drolling get tired of waiting and move on to the next best thing?
Joey sighed as Pacey poured himself a shot glass of vodka and downed it all at once. No, he was there. And he was happy to see me, but
Pacey held his hand up, effectively stopping her diatribe. You know what? As flattered as I am that youve chosen me to be your new best friend, Id really rather you find someone else to tell your boy adventures to.
Thats not what Im trying to do, she insisted, wrapping her arms around herself protectively.
He poured himself another drink and watched her shiver. Id offer you something to drinkbut youre not staying.
Why are you doing this?
He gulped the vodka down and sneered at her. Doing what actually? Drinking myself into a stupor? Come on, Joey. Dont tell me youre that stupid. I thought you were Miss 4.0.
I wasnt talking about the drinking. I meant your attitude. Why are you talking to me like this?
He scoffed. I dont want to be talking to you at all, but you wont fucking leave!
Thats what you want? she cried. I came all this way to talk to you and you wont even let me say what I came here to say?
Pacey turned his back on her, shrugging. Oh let me guess. You couldnt exactly enjoy your happy reunion with Eddie because you had all these nagging doubts about me, he paused. Like how you fucked me over.
She advanced on him, grabbing his arm and pulling him around to face her. When she lifted her hand and moved to smack him, he grabbed her roughly. He let his glass fall to the floor, shattering into a million pieces. With both hands he held her tightly as she struggled against him. Let me go! she screamed.
He smiled at her wickedly, loving the fact that she was hurting and scared. Now she was just a little bit closer to feeling as bad as he did. She was gasping for air, her eyes wide. Go, he grunted, shoving her away. I never asked you to stay in the first place.
She stumbled back, losing her footing and slipping on the broken glass on the floor. She yelped out in pain as a small piece tore through her stockings and cut her leg. He stood over her, frozen in fear and loathing himself for hurting her. He knelt down beside her, checking the rest of her for cuts. As his hands ran idly over her skin, he realized how cold she was. The rain had soaked completely through her and she was too weak to fight him.
Lets get you cleaned up, he whispered as he lifted her into his arms and carried her back to his room.
Im fine, she insisted as they entered his bathroom and he set her on the counter.
Come on, Jo. Just let me look at you, okay?
Joey cast her eyes away as Pacey slid her rain-soaked coat down her shoulders and away from her body. He pulled a fluffy towel down from the cabinet above her head and wrapped it around her carefully. With shaky hands, he examined her leg. He used a wet washcloth to wipe the trail of blood leading to her ankle.
He glanced up at her and noticed her wincing as he cleaned the wound. Does it feel like the glass is still in there?
She nodded quickly, pressing her lips together and suppressing the need to cry. It hurts.
He stood slowly, watching her eyes as he did. Theres a lot of that going on tonight.
Pacey she began.
Ill get you some dry clothes, he told her as he left her alone in the bathroom.
~*~
She emerged from his bathroom a short time later, wondering if hed even still be there. Pacey? she said quietly as she entered his darkened room.
Im here, he replied in a gravely voice. A small bedside lamp switched on and she blinked quickly in response. Did you get that glass out?
She nibbled her lower lip and shook her head. I just couldnt see it because of where it was.
Let me look, he offered, sitting up from his reclining position on the bed. She handed him the first aid kit and he immediately found the tweezers nestled inside. He patted the bed, showing her where to sit. He faced her cross-legged and she rested the injured leg on his knee. She was wearing a pair of his boxers and one of his favorite jerseys hed managed to steal back from her after their high school break-up. He kept his eyes focused on her cut and tried not to let his gaze drift to her thighs, which lay open before him.
I got it, he announced quietly as he slid the offender from her skin. Blood began to flow again and he used a gauze pad to stop it. He held the pad in place, absently stroking her warming skin with his thumb.
She tilted her head, happy that they were at least being civil with each other now. He bandaged the cut carefully as she leaned forward, trying to shorten the gap between them. Thanks, she whispered.
He looked away from her face, her lips that were dangerously close to his. I should get you home now.
Pacey, wait, she urged.
He looked down at her hand curled around his bicep and she withdrew it as if it were on fire. Its late, Jo. Just let me take you home.
She smiled at him. You called me Jo.
He grimaced, not intending to give her any mixed messageshe was as hurt as ever. Sorry, its habit.
Like me calling you Pace?
He nodded, leaning back against his pillows. Yeah. Kind of like you hurting me. Its not something you mean to do but yet here we are.
She swallowed thickly, noticing that the bitterness in his voice had returned. We hurt each other, she corrected. We always have.
Maybe so. But this time I was stupid enough to trust you. I didnt know you were setting me up for payback for our break-up two years ago.
You think thats what this was?
I know it is, he defied angrily. I mean what was it, Joey? Did the cheesy decorations and tacky music just send you right back to that prom boat? You kept bringing it up all night, and I guess I was a fool for thinking that Id done my time for that particular incident.
You did, Pacey! I had let that all go but tonight just brought back so many memories for me, she explained.
He narrowed his gaze at her. So even though I did everything in my power to mend all those fences, you couldnt get past it? You just wanted to even the scorebecause I broke up with you in the shittiest way possible?
Joey raked her hands through her hair and sighed. You dont understand anything, do you?
I dont know if I really want to, he answered bitterly.
She swung her legs over the side of the bed and moved away from him. She kept her back to him as she said, There was nothing about tonight that equaled revenge for me.
So why end it? Is Eddie really all that great? he snickered.
No he isnt. I mean especially when Im comparing him to you.
So why? Why did you do it, Joey?
Joey turned to face him once again. Eddie is safe. We hadnt been together long but at least I knew where I stood with him.
And with me?
She glanced up at the ceiling and sighed. I knew who you were two years agobut now? I had no idea. Youre like this totally different person from the Pacey I once knew. And the notion of starting a new relationship with a virtual strangerI couldnt. I went for the safety net. Its shitty, I know.
Pacey leaned forward, resting his arms on his knees. Why couldnt you tell me this?
I wanted to, she whispered as she returned to the bed and sat across from him. Knowing us I expected a whole evening of over-analyzing and rehashing the event. But what I never expected was for you to walk away.
Pacey rested his head on his arms and wished for once, that he hadnt matured over the last two years. Well it was for the best. And frankly, Joey, if you just came back to explain why you didnt choose me, then you could have saved yourself the trouble.
Joey sighed as she looked down at him. She wanted to bury her fingers and her nose in his hair and feel that safety again. I didnt come here to tell you why I didnt choose you.
He raised his head wearily, barely making eye contact with her. Then why did you come here?
She pressed her lips together, suppressing a smile. He flinched when she placed her hands on either side of his face. I came here to tell you why I chose you.
~*~
Pacey gripped the kitchen counter, needing to steady himself and knowing it wasnt because of the alcohol. The words kept ringing in his ears. She had chosen him? It was all too much. He practically ran from her, saying that he needed another drink. But that wasnt really what he was after. He wanted to hear what she had to say and not have it be blurred by the influence of alcohol.
Now if he could just be brave enough to face her again.
He didnt have a chance to find out because she emerged from his room a few moments later. He kept his eyes trained on her as she sauntered toward him and wedged herself between him and the counter. SorryI got impatient, she explained while nibbling on her lower lip.
He blinked quickly, trying to keep his focus off her mouth. I didnt mean to run out like that. I was just surprised.
Yeah, she whispered. He backed up a little as she hoisted herself onto the counter. She sat there, perched and waiting for him to allow her to continue. I know it took a lot for you to say all those things you were trying to say to me. And over the last few weeks, youve been putting your heart on the line and letting me know how you still feel about me. And yetIve given you nothing.
Pacey nodded, urging her to go on.
And I had a good reason for that. When everything first began between us, I had been telling you, well rather bitching to you about Eddie leaving me. And I guess a big part of me thought that my feelings for you were stemming from my rejection by him. Not only that but I was afraid that you were just my rebound guy.
Pacey lowered his head. I thought about that, too. I knew that you could end up walking away from me. But damn, Joey. I never thought itd be so you could run back to him.
Joey cupped his face in her hands and smiled. Let me finish. I was afraid that you were my rebound guy after Eddie left but after seeing him tonight she paused, swallowing thickly. After seeing him tonight, I realized that he was my rebound guy after you. Everybody has been. I havent been able to figure out how to be content in a relationship since I was with you. I keep looking for some guy thats been right under my nose all along. You, Pacey.
He pulled her hands from his face and shook his head. But then why? Why cant we be together?
She sighed, Because Im an idiot. Because Im scared. I dont know.
So what am I supposed to say here?
She smiled up at him. Youre supposed to tell me that you forgive me, she paused to wrap her arms around his shoulders. And that we can live happily ever after. And that you love me.
He gazed down at her, his jaw set. He wanted to forget. He wanted the hurting to stop. For two years, hed let these old wounds heal. Hed sailed away and slept with countless women, but he never forgot. And in just a few short weeks, hed opened himself up for all this hurt again.
He watched her lick her lips and lean forward, preparing for a kiss. He ran his hands up her thighs, under the boxers and around her ass. He pulled her impossibly closer, allowing her to wrap her long legs around him. Please, she panted, urging him on.
I cant, he groaned as he pushed away from the counter and left her sitting there alone.
~*~
Pacey staggered back to his room, his heart racing and his mind spinning. Why couldnt he just forgive and forget? Why couldnt he just say okay and see what happens next? Hed gotten what he wanted after all. She came crawling back to him and he didnt have to wait a month or even a week for it to happen. As soon as she walked away, she knew shed made the wrong choice.
Now all he had to do was forget. That shouldnt be so hard, right?
Pacey moved to the bathroom, glaring down at Joeys soaked clothing scattered on the floor. He found a duffel bag in the linen closet and began shoving the wet garments inside. He knew this task would only be able to distract his thoughts for a short time. Soon hed have to face her again and shed want to know his answer.
Could he forget? Could he let go of the hurt shed unleashed on him just a few short hours ago? Maybe it wouldve been better if shed given him a few weeks to work through his issues. He felt weak just giving into her this way.
Why did she get to make all the choices? Why did he let her control everything? Did he simply set himself up to let her hurt him this way? He knew before the words ever came out of her mouth that she was going to choose Dawson that night. Hed seen their faces and witnessed the shame she hid behind those eyes. She couldnt stand up to Dawson and say she loved Pacey. No. She didnt come to Pacey until Dawson had freed her.
Was that what Eddie had done too?
Had he noticed her preoccupation? Had he sensed that her thoughts were somewhere else? Maybe he pushed her out the door. Maybe he encouraged her to go find her true love.
Once upon a time Pacey believed in true love. He believed that Joey was the one for him. And when he left her at graduation, he meant for it to be forever. Sure theyd see each other, but he wanted to keep his distancehis pride. Yeah right.
He was as shocked as anyone when he found himself falling for her again a little over a month ago at his party. Pacey believed that this time could be different. He was in a better place now. He had his career going for him and for the first time in a long time, he felt complete.
But that wasnt enough.
He just had to go and fuck with that. For some god-forsaken reason he thought he needed her in his life. He wanted her and he wanted back what they had, but this time was different. It would be better for them. They were older and wiser and ready for that do or die love affair that no one in high school could seem to comprehend.
Pacey glanced up at the mirror and stared at his reflection. What was he doing, hiding from her like this? It was his apartment. If she made him feel uncomfortable, then she could leave. He could tell her that he needed to think, just as she had done to him that night in Kmart.
That night. All at once, he remembered how good it felt to sleep with Joey in his arms. Maybe that could
No, he scolded himself. She needs to go. If I ask her to spend the night, shell get the wrong idea and before you know it He paused, knowing full well what came next. He couldnt take that chance.
She had to go.
~*~
Okay, Joey. Ive got your clothes right here and you can borrow a pair of my sneakers to wear home. Now lets get you home before he stopped in mid-sentence as his gaze fell upon her sleeping form. She was curled up on the couch, her knees bent and her hands tucked under her chin. He sighed as he watched her sleep, wishing that he could just cover her in a blanket and pretend like nothing had happened.
But he knew better.
He moved toward her carefully, gently nudging her shoulder. Joeywake up. I need to take you home.
Mmm, she mumbled softly, pulling Paceys hand against her face and nuzzling her nose into his palm. You feel so warm.
Thats great, Jo, he said awkwardly. But its getting late and I wanna get you home before Audrey calls in a missing persons report.
Audreys not back yet. No one will notice if I dont come back tonight. She opened her eyes slowly and whispered, Cant I stay the night?
His cock stiffened at innocent request. But it wasnt actually all that innocent. He knew that she was only asking for a place to sleep, but giving into her could mean letting her into his heart again. His body may have wanted Joey to stay, but his mind was screaming
No. You cant stay. Ive gotta be at work early tomorrow.
Tomorrows Saturday, Pacey. Why cant I stay?
He clenched his jaw, pissed off that she was right and he really had no other reason to deny her. Well you just cant stay, so lets go. He took her by the hand and pulled her from the couch. As they moved toward the door, he leaned over and tried to put the shoes hed lent her on her feet. He cursed them as they were too big and kept slipping off her feet.
I dont want your shoes. I dont want to go home. Let me stay! she cried.
You cant stay, he sighed, kneeling down to tie the shoes, in hopes that theyd stay on.
Stop it, she argued, kicking off the shoes and accidentally kicking Paceys shin as well.
He glared up at her. Quit being a brat. Just put these shoes on and lets go.
Im a brat? she defied, leaning down and smirking in his face. You wont even talk to me. Youre shoving me out the door with no explanation. Now whos the brat?
Pacey lowered his gaze, staring down at the floor for a moment. When he glanced up at her again, his eyes were blazing. I dont want you here. You need to leave. I dont have to give you any other explanation.
Joey stumbled back a bit; his words were bitter and hurtful. They pushed her back and left her breathless. You dont mean that.
Dont I? he challenged as he rose to his feet. Have I given you even the slightest indication that I wanted you here tonight?
Joeys eyes opened widely and she stared up at him not knowing exactly how to answer that. She blinked quickly, tried to push away tears that she knew were trying to fall. Im sorry, she breathed.
His brow furrowed and his lip curled into a sneer. Youre sorry? You just ripped my heart out tonight and all you can say is that youre sorry. I dont wanna hear that.
She backed away from him, scared of his tone. She couldnt go any farther, finding that her back was to the door. What am I supposed to say?
I dont want you to say anything. I dont want you to do anything. Just leave, he growled angrily.
Glancing up at him, she nibbled her lower lip nervously. His body was pressed against hers as he now had her cornered. She couldnt move and could barely even breathe. Her heart was pounding in her chest and all she wanted from him was forgiveness. Was that too much to ask? Then let me go, she whispered as he raised his arms and left her trapped.
Go? he echoed, pressing his body against hers and letting her feel exactly how much she affected him. Why would you want to go?
Her eyelids grew heavy and her breathing increased. She didnt want to be turned on. She didnt want to feel anything for him after all the things hed said. Was she simply to believe that this would make everything right again? No. She knew that it couldnt ever be right again. Too many things had been saidand done. But she also knew that had been too long since she felt this turned onsince she felt this alive.
You didnt answer me, Josephine, he taunted, burying his fingers in her hair and running his thumbs along her jaw line.
She wouldnt look up at him. She was too afraid to see the lust in his eyes. Maybe she more afraid that there wasnt any more lust between them. I should just go, she argued softly.
Is that what you really want? he asked as he tilted her face up so her gaze would meet his.
Thats what you want, she reminded him. She reached behind her and found the doorknob in her hand. She twisted it quickly and pulled the door open just a crack.
He pressed himself harder against her, shutting the door with this action. When have you ever done what I wanted, Joey?
I dont know what youre talking about, she replied, her eyes wide.
Talk, he scoffed as his hands moved down her neck and over her shoulders, All we ever do is talk.
Is there something wrong with that? Joey asked, arching her back and pressing her breasts against his chest.
Pacey smiled, almost imperceptibly. Theres many things wrongwith all of this. And the biggest thing wrong is that I keep telling you to leave when all I really want you to do is stay.
And what would happen if I stayed?
He slid his hands down her arms and over her hips. Pulling her even closer to him, he breathed, Id fuck you.
Maybe I dont want that.
Pacey moved his hands around her waist and over her ass. She gasped when he squeezed her flesh roughly and lifted her off her feet. She placed her hands on his shoulders to steady herself and her legs instinctively wrapped around his waist. You dont want me? he asked, smiling. Or you dont wanna get fucked? Because if you wanted to be made love to, then Im sure that Edward could have taken care of that for you.
You dont know anything about me and Eddieor our sex life, she spat angrily, trying to wiggle out of his grasp.
He held her tightly and all her struggling did was excite him further. Youre right. But I do know what our sex life was like.
She opened her mouth to speak but he silenced her when his mouth came crushing down upon hers. He kissed her roughly as his hands explored her backside. She whimpered and moaned at his assault, finally finding the strength to push him away. He laughed as she pulled her hand back and slapped him across the cheek. Is that all you got? he asked, taunting her.
No, she growled, digging her hands through his hair and pulling him into another kiss.
He pulled away from her and stared down at her heavy lidded eyes and swollen lips. She prepared herself for the fact that he still might throw her out, seeing as though nothing was going as shed expected. She held her breath when he began tugging at her shirt. What are we doing here?
I think you know, he smirked as he finally removed her shirt and began to work on the boxers.
Joey didnt want to argue, explaining how stupid it would be for them to have sex after all this fighting. She didnt want to rationalize how this would affect their relationship. But most of all, she didnt want to think. When she began pulling at his clothes, he stumbled back and they both landed on the floor. They bumped heads as they tumbled and Pacey rubbed her forehead asking, "Are you alright?"
"Yeah," she sighed, unbuckling his belt and going to work on his zipper. Between kisses, he helped remove the rest of his clothing. Once they were both completely naked, she crawled toward him like a predatory animal. She straddled his hips and pressed him back onto the floor. "Have you been fantasizing about this moment as much as I have?"
Pacey squeezed his eyes shut and nodded quickly as she sank down onto his erection. "Yes," he moaned as she began bucking her hips, causing his cock to slide in and out of her with ease. He glanced down at the place where their bodies were joined and saw the way her wetness had painted his arousal.
He brought his hands up to her hips, squeezing them tightly in a vain effort to gain control. But she was not to be stopped. She was riding him wildly, not caring that he was already so close and he was nowhere near done pleasing her.
Joey watched him as he brought one of his thumbs to his lips and moistened it with his tongue. He trailed that thumb down her chest, over one nipple, swirled it around her stomach until he finally reached his destination. She gasped when he began circling her clit with his thumb. He moved in time with her ministrations until her orgasm came crashing down all around his cock. She bathed him with her wetness and her body shook until she finally collapsed on his chest. "Oh God," she groaned as she tried to lift her head.
"Just call me Pacey," he told her as he smirked in that sexy way of his.
She mustered a laugh as he rolled them over, still keeping himself buried deep inside her. He began short, quick thrusts as she opened her hips to him. "Of all the ways we ever did this...which way do you miss the most?" he asked her in a voice so soft she thought that she'd dreamed it.
She blinked up at him as pink tinged her cheeks. "You already know...don't make me say it."
"Maybe I forgot," he taunted as he lifted her legs and set them on his shoulders. "Was it this way?"
Joey swallowed thickly and shook her head. "No, not that one. Although it is nice," she managed to say.
"Was it this?" he asked as he removed her legs from his shoulders and turned her to the side. He slid into her once more as he dipped his head down and deposited kisses up and down her arm.
"Not quite," she moaned.
"Oh I remember now," he teased her. "You like this." Joey gasped as Pacey lifted her by her hips and positioned her ass in front of his aching hard cock. "You like it when I take you from behind, right?"
She backed into him, desperately needing him to fill her once again. "You know I do."
He held her waist in his hands as he kept his cock just outside her slick entrance. "No, I don't know, Joey. Maybe I need you to tell me again...remind me why you like it this way."
She moved her ass up and down, effectively rubbing her pink lips against the tip of his erection. But when she tried to back into him, he held her at bay. "I wanna hear you say it, Joey."
She raised herself up on her weak arms and sighed. She glanced over her shoulder and smiled. "I love it this way. I love how deep you go into me when we do it this way. I love feeling every single inch of you."
As soon as the last word left her lips, he buried himself to the hilt in her. She cried out and begged him not to stop. He gripped her hips roughly and began sliding in and out with a measure of control that he wasn't aware he owned. The sound of their bodies slamming together filled the room. "Harder," she begged as another orgasm started to build from deep inside her.
He complied with her request, pounding into her and reaching around to cup her breasts as well. She sat up a little, allowing him better access to her breasts. She felt the slick heat between them as she pressed her back to his chest. "Oh, oh..." she moaned as another wave of shudders assaulted her. He held her tightly in his arms as she quaked. He curled one hand around her chin and urged her to kiss him. He drank in her moans and cries as he moved even faster inside her.
When her orgasm subsided, she lowered her body to the floor, leaving her ass high in the air. He raked his fingers down her back, eliciting a sigh from her. As he began to pick up speed again, she heard him moan and could only wish that she could see his face as he came. "Oh fuck yes," he gasped his orgasm tore through him. He continued to pump into her until his body could give no more.
He eased out of her slowly and moved to lie behind her on the floor. She turned her head to look at him, but neither of them said a word.
~*~
"So I guess that this is where you tell me that we need to talk?"
Joey smiled down at him as she dried her hair with a towel and tossed it into the chair next to his bed. She was cold from the shower and now all she wanted to do was climb under the blankets with him. "I wouldn't say that necessarily," she told him as he pulled back the covers and invited her inside.
He smiled down at her as she snuggled against his chest. "Well what would you say?"
She tilted her head back and peered up at him with hopeful eyes. She licked her lips and pressed a soft kiss to the corner of his mouth. He returned the kiss and made it more loving than the ones he gave her earlier. When he opened his eyes, he found her smiling at him. "Well?" he prompted.
She moved over him, pushing him back against his pillows and straddling his hips. "Someone once told me..." she began as she brought his hands up under her shirt, "that all we ever do is talk."
He cupped her breasts in his hands and brushed his thumbs over the stiffened peaks. "Well we can't have that," he replied as he lifted his head and their mouths met in a scorching kiss.
Never Again
Go away!
The pounding at his door wouldnt stop. Not much unlike the pounding in his head as he tried to forget.
Leave me alone! he grumbled loudly, hoping that his fair-weathered friends hadnt concocted a half-assed intervention on his behalf.
Pacey pressed his forearm over his face as his other hand manipulated the stereos remote. He brought the pulsating music up to an obnoxiously loud level to drown out the knocking and any other stupid thoughts that might creep into his mind.
Like professing his love to Joey Potter.
The music stopped abruptly and as he made eye contact with his intruder, he groaned. Get out of here.
I just wanted to talk.
Pacey sighed loudly, climbing off the couch and stumbling toward the kitchen in search of something stronger to drink. Well, I think we said everything we needed to say.
You didnt say anything, Pace. You just walked away.
I didnt have anything else to say, Joey. And dont call me Pace.
Joey crinkled up her brow as she approached him slowly. She knew he was hurting, like a wounded animal. An animal that she had wounded to be precise. Ive been calling you Pace forever. Whats changed?
He smiled as his hands slid over the slim bottle hidden in the back of the freezer. On the contrary, Josephine. You didnt call me Pace until we started dating. And as ofoh three hours ago, you ended that. So if you feel like calling Eddie Ed, then go for it. But dont ever call me Pace again.
He turned to face her, really looking at her since the first time shed arrived. Her hair clung to her face in clumps, her make-up smeared, and her eyes puffy. Her clothes were soaked, even through her heavy coat. She still wore the same dress shed worn to the dance, but now it looked sheer. Her body was covered in goose bumps, visible even from where he stood. He cast his eyes away as they traveled over the stiffened peaks protruding from below her neckline. So what happened to you? he asked, feigning disinterest.
She sniffled. I walkedI walked here from his house.
Paceys brow furrowed. Whats wrong? Were you too late? Did Mr. Drolling get tired of waiting and move on to the next best thing?
Joey sighed as Pacey poured himself a shot glass of vodka and downed it all at once. No, he was there. And he was happy to see me, but
Pacey held his hand up, effectively stopping her diatribe. You know what? As flattered as I am that youve chosen me to be your new best friend, Id really rather you find someone else to tell your boy adventures to.
Thats not what Im trying to do, she insisted, wrapping her arms around herself protectively.
He poured himself another drink and watched her shiver. Id offer you something to drinkbut youre not staying.
Why are you doing this?
He gulped the vodka down and sneered at her. Doing what actually? Drinking myself into a stupor? Come on, Joey. Dont tell me youre that stupid. I thought you were Miss 4.0.
I wasnt talking about the drinking. I meant your attitude. Why are you talking to me like this?
He scoffed. I dont want to be talking to you at all, but you wont fucking leave!
Thats what you want? she cried. I came all this way to talk to you and you wont even let me say what I came here to say?
Pacey turned his back on her, shrugging. Oh let me guess. You couldnt exactly enjoy your happy reunion with Eddie because you had all these nagging doubts about me, he paused. Like how you fucked me over.
She advanced on him, grabbing his arm and pulling him around to face her. When she lifted her hand and moved to smack him, he grabbed her roughly. He let his glass fall to the floor, shattering into a million pieces. With both hands he held her tightly as she struggled against him. Let me go! she screamed.
He smiled at her wickedly, loving the fact that she was hurting and scared. Now she was just a little bit closer to feeling as bad as he did. She was gasping for air, her eyes wide. Go, he grunted, shoving her away. I never asked you to stay in the first place.
She stumbled back, losing her footing and slipping on the broken glass on the floor. She yelped out in pain as a small piece tore through her stockings and cut her leg. He stood over her, frozen in fear and loathing himself for hurting her. He knelt down beside her, checking the rest of her for cuts. As his hands ran idly over her skin, he realized how cold she was. The rain had soaked completely through her and she was too weak to fight him.
Lets get you cleaned up, he whispered as he lifted her into his arms and carried her back to his room.
Im fine, she insisted as they entered his bathroom and he set her on the counter.
Come on, Jo. Just let me look at you, okay?
Joey cast her eyes away as Pacey slid her rain-soaked coat down her shoulders and away from her body. He pulled a fluffy towel down from the cabinet above her head and wrapped it around her carefully. With shaky hands, he examined her leg. He used a wet washcloth to wipe the trail of blood leading to her ankle.
He glanced up at her and noticed her wincing as he cleaned the wound. Does it feel like the glass is still in there?
She nodded quickly, pressing her lips together and suppressing the need to cry. It hurts.
He stood slowly, watching her eyes as he did. Theres a lot of that going on tonight.
Pacey she began.
Ill get you some dry clothes, he told her as he left her alone in the bathroom.
~*~
She emerged from his bathroom a short time later, wondering if hed even still be there. Pacey? she said quietly as she entered his darkened room.
Im here, he replied in a gravely voice. A small bedside lamp switched on and she blinked quickly in response. Did you get that glass out?
She nibbled her lower lip and shook her head. I just couldnt see it because of where it was.
Let me look, he offered, sitting up from his reclining position on the bed. She handed him the first aid kit and he immediately found the tweezers nestled inside. He patted the bed, showing her where to sit. He faced her cross-legged and she rested the injured leg on his knee. She was wearing a pair of his boxers and one of his favorite jerseys hed managed to steal back from her after their high school break-up. He kept his eyes focused on her cut and tried not to let his gaze drift to her thighs, which lay open before him.
I got it, he announced quietly as he slid the offender from her skin. Blood began to flow again and he used a gauze pad to stop it. He held the pad in place, absently stroking her warming skin with his thumb.
She tilted her head, happy that they were at least being civil with each other now. He bandaged the cut carefully as she leaned forward, trying to shorten the gap between them. Thanks, she whispered.
He looked away from her face, her lips that were dangerously close to his. I should get you home now.
Pacey, wait, she urged.
He looked down at her hand curled around his bicep and she withdrew it as if it were on fire. Its late, Jo. Just let me take you home.
She smiled at him. You called me Jo.
He grimaced, not intending to give her any mixed messageshe was as hurt as ever. Sorry, its habit.
Like me calling you Pace?
He nodded, leaning back against his pillows. Yeah. Kind of like you hurting me. Its not something you mean to do but yet here we are.
She swallowed thickly, noticing that the bitterness in his voice had returned. We hurt each other, she corrected. We always have.
Maybe so. But this time I was stupid enough to trust you. I didnt know you were setting me up for payback for our break-up two years ago.
You think thats what this was?
I know it is, he defied angrily. I mean what was it, Joey? Did the cheesy decorations and tacky music just send you right back to that prom boat? You kept bringing it up all night, and I guess I was a fool for thinking that Id done my time for that particular incident.
You did, Pacey! I had let that all go but tonight just brought back so many memories for me, she explained.
He narrowed his gaze at her. So even though I did everything in my power to mend all those fences, you couldnt get past it? You just wanted to even the scorebecause I broke up with you in the shittiest way possible?
Joey raked her hands through her hair and sighed. You dont understand anything, do you?
I dont know if I really want to, he answered bitterly.
She swung her legs over the side of the bed and moved away from him. She kept her back to him as she said, There was nothing about tonight that equaled revenge for me.
So why end it? Is Eddie really all that great? he snickered.
No he isnt. I mean especially when Im comparing him to you.
So why? Why did you do it, Joey?
Joey turned to face him once again. Eddie is safe. We hadnt been together long but at least I knew where I stood with him.
And with me?
She glanced up at the ceiling and sighed. I knew who you were two years agobut now? I had no idea. Youre like this totally different person from the Pacey I once knew. And the notion of starting a new relationship with a virtual strangerI couldnt. I went for the safety net. Its shitty, I know.
Pacey leaned forward, resting his arms on his knees. Why couldnt you tell me this?
I wanted to, she whispered as she returned to the bed and sat across from him. Knowing us I expected a whole evening of over-analyzing and rehashing the event. But what I never expected was for you to walk away.
Pacey rested his head on his arms and wished for once, that he hadnt matured over the last two years. Well it was for the best. And frankly, Joey, if you just came back to explain why you didnt choose me, then you could have saved yourself the trouble.
Joey sighed as she looked down at him. She wanted to bury her fingers and her nose in his hair and feel that safety again. I didnt come here to tell you why I didnt choose you.
He raised his head wearily, barely making eye contact with her. Then why did you come here?
She pressed her lips together, suppressing a smile. He flinched when she placed her hands on either side of his face. I came here to tell you why I chose you.
~*~
Pacey gripped the kitchen counter, needing to steady himself and knowing it wasnt because of the alcohol. The words kept ringing in his ears. She had chosen him? It was all too much. He practically ran from her, saying that he needed another drink. But that wasnt really what he was after. He wanted to hear what she had to say and not have it be blurred by the influence of alcohol.
Now if he could just be brave enough to face her again.
He didnt have a chance to find out because she emerged from his room a few moments later. He kept his eyes trained on her as she sauntered toward him and wedged herself between him and the counter. SorryI got impatient, she explained while nibbling on her lower lip.
He blinked quickly, trying to keep his focus off her mouth. I didnt mean to run out like that. I was just surprised.
Yeah, she whispered. He backed up a little as she hoisted herself onto the counter. She sat there, perched and waiting for him to allow her to continue. I know it took a lot for you to say all those things you were trying to say to me. And over the last few weeks, youve been putting your heart on the line and letting me know how you still feel about me. And yetIve given you nothing.
Pacey nodded, urging her to go on.
And I had a good reason for that. When everything first began between us, I had been telling you, well rather bitching to you about Eddie leaving me. And I guess a big part of me thought that my feelings for you were stemming from my rejection by him. Not only that but I was afraid that you were just my rebound guy.
Pacey lowered his head. I thought about that, too. I knew that you could end up walking away from me. But damn, Joey. I never thought itd be so you could run back to him.
Joey cupped his face in her hands and smiled. Let me finish. I was afraid that you were my rebound guy after Eddie left but after seeing him tonight she paused, swallowing thickly. After seeing him tonight, I realized that he was my rebound guy after you. Everybody has been. I havent been able to figure out how to be content in a relationship since I was with you. I keep looking for some guy thats been right under my nose all along. You, Pacey.
He pulled her hands from his face and shook his head. But then why? Why cant we be together?
She sighed, Because Im an idiot. Because Im scared. I dont know.
So what am I supposed to say here?
She smiled up at him. Youre supposed to tell me that you forgive me, she paused to wrap her arms around his shoulders. And that we can live happily ever after. And that you love me.
He gazed down at her, his jaw set. He wanted to forget. He wanted the hurting to stop. For two years, hed let these old wounds heal. Hed sailed away and slept with countless women, but he never forgot. And in just a few short weeks, hed opened himself up for all this hurt again.
He watched her lick her lips and lean forward, preparing for a kiss. He ran his hands up her thighs, under the boxers and around her ass. He pulled her impossibly closer, allowing her to wrap her long legs around him. Please, she panted, urging him on.
I cant, he groaned as he pushed away from the counter and left her sitting there alone.
~*~
Pacey staggered back to his room, his heart racing and his mind spinning. Why couldnt he just forgive and forget? Why couldnt he just say okay and see what happens next? Hed gotten what he wanted after all. She came crawling back to him and he didnt have to wait a month or even a week for it to happen. As soon as she walked away, she knew shed made the wrong choice.
Now all he had to do was forget. That shouldnt be so hard, right?
Pacey moved to the bathroom, glaring down at Joeys soaked clothing scattered on the floor. He found a duffel bag in the linen closet and began shoving the wet garments inside. He knew this task would only be able to distract his thoughts for a short time. Soon hed have to face her again and shed want to know his answer.
Could he forget? Could he let go of the hurt shed unleashed on him just a few short hours ago? Maybe it wouldve been better if shed given him a few weeks to work through his issues. He felt weak just giving into her this way.
Why did she get to make all the choices? Why did he let her control everything? Did he simply set himself up to let her hurt him this way? He knew before the words ever came out of her mouth that she was going to choose Dawson that night. Hed seen their faces and witnessed the shame she hid behind those eyes. She couldnt stand up to Dawson and say she loved Pacey. No. She didnt come to Pacey until Dawson had freed her.
Was that what Eddie had done too?
Had he noticed her preoccupation? Had he sensed that her thoughts were somewhere else? Maybe he pushed her out the door. Maybe he encouraged her to go find her true love.
Once upon a time Pacey believed in true love. He believed that Joey was the one for him. And when he left her at graduation, he meant for it to be forever. Sure theyd see each other, but he wanted to keep his distancehis pride. Yeah right.
He was as shocked as anyone when he found himself falling for her again a little over a month ago at his party. Pacey believed that this time could be different. He was in a better place now. He had his career going for him and for the first time in a long time, he felt complete.
But that wasnt enough.
He just had to go and fuck with that. For some god-forsaken reason he thought he needed her in his life. He wanted her and he wanted back what they had, but this time was different. It would be better for them. They were older and wiser and ready for that do or die love affair that no one in high school could seem to comprehend.
Pacey glanced up at the mirror and stared at his reflection. What was he doing, hiding from her like this? It was his apartment. If she made him feel uncomfortable, then she could leave. He could tell her that he needed to think, just as she had done to him that night in Kmart.
That night. All at once, he remembered how good it felt to sleep with Joey in his arms. Maybe that could
No, he scolded himself. She needs to go. If I ask her to spend the night, shell get the wrong idea and before you know it He paused, knowing full well what came next. He couldnt take that chance.
She had to go.
~*~
Okay, Joey. Ive got your clothes right here and you can borrow a pair of my sneakers to wear home. Now lets get you home before he stopped in mid-sentence as his gaze fell upon her sleeping form. She was curled up on the couch, her knees bent and her hands tucked under her chin. He sighed as he watched her sleep, wishing that he could just cover her in a blanket and pretend like nothing had happened.
But he knew better.
He moved toward her carefully, gently nudging her shoulder. Joeywake up. I need to take you home.
Mmm, she mumbled softly, pulling Paceys hand against her face and nuzzling her nose into his palm. You feel so warm.
Thats great, Jo, he said awkwardly. But its getting late and I wanna get you home before Audrey calls in a missing persons report.
Audreys not back yet. No one will notice if I dont come back tonight. She opened her eyes slowly and whispered, Cant I stay the night?
His cock stiffened at innocent request. But it wasnt actually all that innocent. He knew that she was only asking for a place to sleep, but giving into her could mean letting her into his heart again. His body may have wanted Joey to stay, but his mind was screaming
No. You cant stay. Ive gotta be at work early tomorrow.
Tomorrows Saturday, Pacey. Why cant I stay?
He clenched his jaw, pissed off that she was right and he really had no other reason to deny her. Well you just cant stay, so lets go. He took her by the hand and pulled her from the couch. As they moved toward the door, he leaned over and tried to put the shoes hed lent her on her feet. He cursed them as they were too big and kept slipping off her feet.
I dont want your shoes. I dont want to go home. Let me stay! she cried.
You cant stay, he sighed, kneeling down to tie the shoes, in hopes that theyd stay on.
Stop it, she argued, kicking off the shoes and accidentally kicking Paceys shin as well.
He glared up at her. Quit being a brat. Just put these shoes on and lets go.
Im a brat? she defied, leaning down and smirking in his face. You wont even talk to me. Youre shoving me out the door with no explanation. Now whos the brat?
Pacey lowered his gaze, staring down at the floor for a moment. When he glanced up at her again, his eyes were blazing. I dont want you here. You need to leave. I dont have to give you any other explanation.
Joey stumbled back a bit; his words were bitter and hurtful. They pushed her back and left her breathless. You dont mean that.
Dont I? he challenged as he rose to his feet. Have I given you even the slightest indication that I wanted you here tonight?
Joeys eyes opened widely and she stared up at him not knowing exactly how to answer that. She blinked quickly, tried to push away tears that she knew were trying to fall. Im sorry, she breathed.
His brow furrowed and his lip curled into a sneer. Youre sorry? You just ripped my heart out tonight and all you can say is that youre sorry. I dont wanna hear that.
She backed away from him, scared of his tone. She couldnt go any farther, finding that her back was to the door. What am I supposed to say?
I dont want you to say anything. I dont want you to do anything. Just leave, he growled angrily.
Glancing up at him, she nibbled her lower lip nervously. His body was pressed against hers as he now had her cornered. She couldnt move and could barely even breathe. Her heart was pounding in her chest and all she wanted from him was forgiveness. Was that too much to ask? Then let me go, she whispered as he raised his arms and left her trapped.
Go? he echoed, pressing his body against hers and letting her feel exactly how much she affected him. Why would you want to go?
Her eyelids grew heavy and her breathing increased. She didnt want to be turned on. She didnt want to feel anything for him after all the things hed said. Was she simply to believe that this would make everything right again? No. She knew that it couldnt ever be right again. Too many things had been saidand done. But she also knew that had been too long since she felt this turned onsince she felt this alive.
You didnt answer me, Josephine, he taunted, burying his fingers in her hair and running his thumbs along her jaw line.
She wouldnt look up at him. She was too afraid to see the lust in his eyes. Maybe she more afraid that there wasnt any more lust between them. I should just go, she argued softly.
Is that what you really want? he asked as he tilted her face up so her gaze would meet his.
Thats what you want, she reminded him. She reached behind her and found the doorknob in her hand. She twisted it quickly and pulled the door open just a crack.
He pressed himself harder against her, shutting the door with this action. When have you ever done what I wanted, Joey?
I dont know what youre talking about, she replied, her eyes wide.
Talk, he scoffed as his hands moved down her neck and over her shoulders, All we ever do is talk.
Is there something wrong with that? Joey asked, arching her back and pressing her breasts against his chest.
Pacey smiled, almost imperceptibly. Theres many things wrongwith all of this. And the biggest thing wrong is that I keep telling you to leave when all I really want you to do is stay.
And what would happen if I stayed?
He slid his hands down her arms and over her hips. Pulling her even closer to him, he breathed, Id fuck you.
Maybe I dont want that.
Pacey moved his hands around her waist and over her ass. She gasped when he squeezed her flesh roughly and lifted her off her feet. She placed her hands on his shoulders to steady herself and her legs instinctively wrapped around his waist. You dont want me? he asked, smiling. Or you dont wanna get fucked? Because if you wanted to be made love to, then Im sure that Edward could have taken care of that for you.
You dont know anything about me and Eddieor our sex life, she spat angrily, trying to wiggle out of his grasp.
He held her tightly and all her struggling did was excite him further. Youre right. But I do know what our sex life was like.
She opened her mouth to speak but he silenced her when his mouth came crushing down upon hers. He kissed her roughly as his hands explored her backside. She whimpered and moaned at his assault, finally finding the strength to push him away. He laughed as she pulled her hand back and slapped him across the cheek. Is that all you got? he asked, taunting her.
No, she growled, digging her hands through his hair and pulling him into another kiss.
He pulled away from her and stared down at her heavy lidded eyes and swollen lips. She prepared herself for the fact that he still might throw her out, seeing as though nothing was going as shed expected. She held her breath when he began tugging at her shirt. What are we doing here?
I think you know, he smirked as he finally removed her shirt and began to work on the boxers.
Joey didnt want to argue, explaining how stupid it would be for them to have sex after all this fighting. She didnt want to rationalize how this would affect their relationship. But most of all, she didnt want to think. When she began pulling at his clothes, he stumbled back and they both landed on the floor. They bumped heads as they tumbled and Pacey rubbed her forehead asking, "Are you alright?"
"Yeah," she sighed, unbuckling his belt and going to work on his zipper. Between kisses, he helped remove the rest of his clothing. Once they were both completely naked, she crawled toward him like a predatory animal. She straddled his hips and pressed him back onto the floor. "Have you been fantasizing about this moment as much as I have?"
Pacey squeezed his eyes shut and nodded quickly as she sank down onto his erection. "Yes," he moaned as she began bucking her hips, causing his cock to slide in and out of her with ease. He glanced down at the place where their bodies were joined and saw the way her wetness had painted his arousal.
He brought his hands up to her hips, squeezing them tightly in a vain effort to gain control. But she was not to be stopped. She was riding him wildly, not caring that he was already so close and he was nowhere near done pleasing her.
Joey watched him as he brought one of his thumbs to his lips and moistened it with his tongue. He trailed that thumb down her chest, over one nipple, swirled it around her stomach until he finally reached his destination. She gasped when he began circling her clit with his thumb. He moved in time with her ministrations until her orgasm came crashing down all around his cock. She bathed him with her wetness and her body shook until she finally collapsed on his chest. "Oh God," she groaned as she tried to lift her head.
"Just call me Pacey," he told her as he smirked in that sexy way of his.
She mustered a laugh as he rolled them over, still keeping himself buried deep inside her. He began short, quick thrusts as she opened her hips to him. "Of all the ways we ever did this...which way do you miss the most?" he asked her in a voice so soft she thought that she'd dreamed it.
She blinked up at him as pink tinged her cheeks. "You already know...don't make me say it."
"Maybe I forgot," he taunted as he lifted her legs and set them on his shoulders. "Was it this way?"
Joey swallowed thickly and shook her head. "No, not that one. Although it is nice," she managed to say.
"Was it this?" he asked as he removed her legs from his shoulders and turned her to the side. He slid into her once more as he dipped his head down and deposited kisses up and down her arm.
"Not quite," she moaned.
"Oh I remember now," he teased her. "You like this." Joey gasped as Pacey lifted her by her hips and positioned her ass in front of his aching hard cock. "You like it when I take you from behind, right?"
She backed into him, desperately needing him to fill her once again. "You know I do."
He held her waist in his hands as he kept his cock just outside her slick entrance. "No, I don't know, Joey. Maybe I need you to tell me again...remind me why you like it this way."
She moved her ass up and down, effectively rubbing her pink lips against the tip of his erection. But when she tried to back into him, he held her at bay. "I wanna hear you say it, Joey."
She raised herself up on her weak arms and sighed. She glanced over her shoulder and smiled. "I love it this way. I love how deep you go into me when we do it this way. I love feeling every single inch of you."
As soon as the last word left her lips, he buried himself to the hilt in her. She cried out and begged him not to stop. He gripped her hips roughly and began sliding in and out with a measure of control that he wasn't aware he owned. The sound of their bodies slamming together filled the room. "Harder," she begged as another orgasm started to build from deep inside her.
He complied with her request, pounding into her and reaching around to cup her breasts as well. She sat up a little, allowing him better access to her breasts. She felt the slick heat between them as she pressed her back to his chest. "Oh, oh..." she moaned as another wave of shudders assaulted her. He held her tightly in his arms as she quaked. He curled one hand around her chin and urged her to kiss him. He drank in her moans and cries as he moved even faster inside her.
When her orgasm subsided, she lowered her body to the floor, leaving her ass high in the air. He raked his fingers down her back, eliciting a sigh from her. As he began to pick up speed again, she heard him moan and could only wish that she could see his face as he came. "Oh fuck yes," he gasped his orgasm tore through him. He continued to pump into her until his body could give no more.
He eased out of her slowly and moved to lie behind her on the floor. She turned her head to look at him, but neither of them said a word.
~*~
"So I guess that this is where you tell me that we need to talk?"
Joey smiled down at him as she dried her hair with a towel and tossed it into the chair next to his bed. She was cold from the shower and now all she wanted to do was climb under the blankets with him. "I wouldn't say that necessarily," she told him as he pulled back the covers and invited her inside.
He smiled down at her as she snuggled against his chest. "Well what would you say?"
She tilted her head back and peered up at him with hopeful eyes. She licked her lips and pressed a soft kiss to the corner of his mouth. He returned the kiss and made it more loving than the ones he gave her earlier. When he opened his eyes, he found her smiling at him. "Well?" he prompted.
She moved over him, pushing him back against his pillows and straddling his hips. "Someone once told me..." she began as she brought his hands up under her shirt, "that all we ever do is talk."
He cupped her breasts in his hands and brushed his thumbs over the stiffened peaks. "Well we can't have that," he replied as he lifted his head and their mouths met in a scorching kiss.
The End
