Author's Note: The night during 'Separation Anxiety' after the Worthington party. Extremely angsty. Joey and Pacey say goodbye by remembering how they fell in love. Basically a recap of season 3 through their eyes.
The dark road seemed endless, curving for mile upon mile with no sign of finding its final destination. Pacey gripped the steering wheel tightly looking only at the road, trying his hardest to not look her way. The moment she asked to come home with him he threw every piece of advice Gretchen offered him out the window. He didn't care if this was bad for him in the end, he needed her, he needed to breathe her scent, to feel her skin, to hold her tight for just one more night.
Joey rested her head on her hand as she stared blankly out her window. Just hearing his steady breath was worth it at the moment. This was their closure but she wasn't sure if she was ready to let go. Their tragic end coming out of no where to her, the words he spoke stung but after much contemplation she had realized that they were true. They had fallen too hard and lived a fairy tale romance for too long and had seemingly forgotten to address these problems as the end of the school year was approaching.
The station wagon pulled into the driveway and Pacey jogged around the car helping with Joey's door. He was such a gentleman to not only her but every girl he met but Joey was never jealous, she actually found it endearing. They walked in silence to the beach house and Pacey opened the door offering her to step in.
He glanced back at the drive way then scanned the room glancing up the stairs, "Gretchen?" He called out. When there was no reply he shrugged looking back over at Joey who was sitting at the couch, eyes drawn to the floor, "I guess she left early," he let out a forced laugh looking down at his feet, "us Witter's are known to jump the gun with our departures." His mind drifted to the summer before when he nearly lost her the first time after he had decided to take True Love on her maiden voyage a day early.
"I had forgotten she was leaving," Joey forced out her voice crackling below the tears that were still unshed.
Pacey crossed the room reaching into the refrigerator and taking out the jug of milk removing the cap and taking a long swig. Joey looked up from her gaze as she watched him attempting a smile at the corner of her lips, "You never use a glass." She finally said her voice breaking the silence. "That's something I've always noticed about you," she paused locking eyes with his, "the fact that you didn't use a glass. It showed how comfortable you were with the people around you."
She looked away worrying her lower lip between her teeth, "You always chew on your lower lip, when you're nervous or uncomfortable you chew on your lower lip and no matter how many times you deny that you do it I always know to change the subject when you start to do it." Pacey replied as Joey blushed removing her lip from her teeth's grasp.
Silence fell over them both as they gazed at each other from across the room. Tears threatened the brim of her eyes and Pacey took a deep breath fighting the tightening in his chest and the urge to cross the room and take her in his arms. "I think I'm ready to sleep," Joey said softly as she picked up the small bag she had brought with her, he nodded as she disappeared into the bathroom. He replaced the milk and leaned against the wall of the kitchen banging his head against the space behind him. He let out a deep sigh as he brushed his hands over his face trying to fight off all the urges he had all the needs to be near her again.
As the door closed behind her she fell against it allowing all the tears she was fighting off to fall freely down her face. It couldn't end this way, with the awkward glances and forced smiles. A year ago it was the same way, when Dawson had found them outside on his front lawn and they had worked through it but it still hurt so badly, the feeling of it being over at that moment.
"Jo?" She heard muffled behind the door, "I'm gonna be upstairs, okay?"
She sniffled back her tears nodding absently, "Alright," she tried to reply as lightly as possible.
~*~
Trudging up the stairs the soft light from his doorway illuminated the hall. The beach house they had rented at the beginning of the fall had transformed into a homely place. The cold and dark rooms had transformed into a warm vibrant place with a little Witter touch.
Stopping in his doorframe she took in his appearance for a moment, he sat on his bed staring at his feet. His shirt and suit had been replaced with his gray wife beater and sweat pants, the same as the night last year at Aunt Gwen's. Sliding onto the bed next to him she leaned against the headboard. "I don't mind if your butt touches mine tonight," she smiled weakly breaking the ice.
"I think after the past year butt's touching is the least of our concern," Pacey replied his voice slightly brighter then before.
Snuggling more comfortably into the bed she took in his scent, "Pacey," she mumbled into his chest, "I remember everything."
"I thought that was my line," he replied nuzzling his nose in her hair his arm wrapping instinctively around her.
"Yeah like the first time you kissed me," she whispered her hand stroking his chest.
"Oh yes, not one of my finest moments," he grimaced, "as I do recall you laughed in my face before scurrying away as quickly as your two little feet could take you."
"I had a wonderful time at the carnival," she sighed, "you just surprised me."
"You are rather irresistible," he murmured barely above a whisper.
"After you kissed me I had a crush on you for like a month."
"Really?" She blushed nodding as she dug her head into the crook of his shoulder. He let out a light chuckle, "You know it shouldn't be embarrassing having a crush on someone you dated."
"I know," she said peeking up from her hiding a smile tugging at her lips. The locked eyes as the tension entered between them again, she reached for his hand entwining their fingers. "When did you know?" She asked her voice barely above a whisper.
"Know what?"
"That you were falling?"
He closed his eyes his free hand running up her arm as his fingers danced lightly on her smooth skin, "When you played hooky with me."
"Ah yes, hitch hiking gone terribly wrong." She paused tightening her grip around his hand, "The day we started working on True Love."
"Well that of course was after we bribed those freshmen into playing that God awful mule." He brought his hand to her hair, his fingers tangling between the silky strands. "When was it for you?"
She smiled resting her head back on his chest, "That night of the party, when you came to comfort me on my dock and you wrapped your arm around me and you understood without a word. But I didn't realize it till the dance lessons."
He chuckled softly, "The dance lessons from hell."
"The instructor was right though, about you and me," she said rotating her head so she could look at him, "we never went back to thank her."
"Well it's too late for that," he answered blankly regretting it immediately.
"Yeah," she responded breathlessly, her hands seeking more contact as she broke from his hand's grasp and ran them below his shirt.
"I never told you this," he said adjusting for her hands to roam, "but that night when Fred Fricke left was the night I fell in love with you."
Her hands explored every curve and contour that she already knew as her eyes rolled back in ecstasy. "Why do you say that?"
"Because I found you sleeping by the fire," he whispered his hands gliding along her back. "And I sat there all night just watching you sleep." His lips found her ear as he nuzzled into her neck his breath soft as his lips feathered lightly on her lobe; "I was mesmerized by your breathing, the slight fluttering of your eyes, how beautiful you were. I knew I could sit there forever."
Letting out a soft moan Joey pushed his shirt off over his head her hands traveling more freely engraving every crevice into her memory. "But then I met College Boy," she said with smirk at the nickname Pacey had coined, "and I went with him because I thought you wanted Jen."
"I never wanted Jen," he groaned under her touch, "she was just something to get my mind off of you."
"AJ was too shy," her lips ran along his smooth chest barely able to taste his salty skin.
"Couldn't have fooled me," he sneered bitterly, "when I found out that he kissed you I thought I had lost you."
"I would have stayed at the party if you asked," she replied breathlessly as his hands ran along her curves. "I thought you were going to tell me how you felt after the Valentine's Day disaster."
Pacey smirked massaging the small of her back, "I was, Doug told me to take a stand but I chickened out. Then I had to endure you and AJ again."
"I was a bitch to you," she replied still searching him for answers she didn't have questions for, "you put so much work into helping me, into making me happy and I didn't even notice."
"It was all worth it just to see you smile," he said sincerely his fingers trailing along her thigh.
"I fell in love with you when you bought me the wall," she found his eyes staring into the ocean blue orbs. "That's why I couldn't find the right thing to paint on it; I didn't want to disappoint you."
"You could have drawn a stick figure and I would have been happy, as long as it was what you wanted."
"Well if you had told me that," she laughed bringing her face up to his rubbing her nose with his. He tilted her head their lips making contact but there was too much pain to continue. "Then you kissed me again," she whispered her lips brushing his as she spoke.
"I knew I had you when you kissed me back," he answered his eyes dark with hurt and wanting. "But you broke my heart when you said it meant nothing."
"I only said that because you called it an impulse."
"I only said that because you shoved me down the highway."
"I was scared," she replied her voice dropping.
Pacey nodded stroking her arms soothingly his voice husky and soft, "Me too. But that night when you kissed me back was one of the greatest moments of my life."
"It ranked up there with me too," her voice was bright yet the tinge of sadness still seeped through.
"God, I love you so much," Pacey finally broke his arms wrapping tightly around her as he pressed her body against his. He had never wanted her so much not since they had danced at the Junior Prom. He couldn't have her then and he couldn't have her now, but now that he had had her it made giving her up so much worst. "I never thought that I could ever be with you and now I can't imagine my life without you."
He could feel the warm salty tears traveling down his chest as his hand found hers lacing through it and locking feeling like a perfect puzzle piece after holding it so many times before. "I don't wanna let you go," she cried against him, "I did it once and I don't ever want to do it again."
"We can't change things, it's too complicated now," he paused bringing her fingers to his lips massaging over them. "But if someday, I find you again and everything is right, I don't think there will be anything stopping me from loving you."
She stopped looking back up at him, moving their laced fingers along his cheek, "You asked me if I could ever love you like a soul mate," he nodded subtly as she began to shake her head, "No." His chest tightened as he flinched at the pain of her words, "Because I don't know how to love a soul mate, every time I tried it never worked out. But you, loving you is one of the easiest things I've ever done. Every inch of me loves you and it hurts so bad." Pulling her head back against his chest Pacey relieved a deep breath.
"I'll never love anybody like I love you," he whispered against her hair and could feel her nod against him.
"You almost left without saying goodbye," she said suddenly going back to where they left off.
"I was afraid that you'd want me to go. But when you told me I was running away I knew you hadn't given up."
"I was too scared to tell you; there was too much at risk then, and I knew after everything was said and done, you'd still be there." She brought their locked hands to her lips, the taste of him still present as she inhaled his scent.
"You broke my heart again when you wouldn't say goodbye."
"You didn't put me in the best of positions at that moment," she said matter-of-factly.
"Well what can I say, I was bitter," his light chuckle filled the room as she rubbed her cheek against his chest now slick with anticipating sweat.
She shrugged, "It was well deserved."
His free hand grazed across her back grabbing at the thin material of her tank top. She brushed their hands between them feeling both of their hearts pounding through their chests. "But you came back."
"I was sick of running." He rolled on top of her grinding against her instinctively as she let out a soft moan her hands exploring his back.
"When you told me you loved me, it was the happiest moment of my life." His voice was a husky whisper as his nose traced every contour of her face. "And then we sailed into the sunset and everything was perfect."
Bringing her hands around his neck she lifted her gaze to his. Her grayish hazel eyes melted into his crystal blue as she lowered his face to hers. Her voice dropped to a painful whisper, "Pace, I'm gonna kiss you now, in about ten seconds, so if you don't want me too," she said her breath hot against his lips, "then you're just going to have to stop me."
"Jo, I can't keep on kissing you," he said his voice breaking as he held her face in his hands; "I don't wanna talk anymore."
Nodding slightly Joey tried to blink away the newly forming tears. Noticing this Pacey tilted her head to his brushing some loose hair away from her forehead. She smiled tilting her head farther and laying a kiss on his forehead before snuggling back into his arms, the last night she would be able to feel safe.
Creek Dweeb # 37: Because I Remember Everything... No Seriously EVERYTHING!!!
The dark road seemed endless, curving for mile upon mile with no sign of finding its final destination. Pacey gripped the steering wheel tightly looking only at the road, trying his hardest to not look her way. The moment she asked to come home with him he threw every piece of advice Gretchen offered him out the window. He didn't care if this was bad for him in the end, he needed her, he needed to breathe her scent, to feel her skin, to hold her tight for just one more night.
Joey rested her head on her hand as she stared blankly out her window. Just hearing his steady breath was worth it at the moment. This was their closure but she wasn't sure if she was ready to let go. Their tragic end coming out of no where to her, the words he spoke stung but after much contemplation she had realized that they were true. They had fallen too hard and lived a fairy tale romance for too long and had seemingly forgotten to address these problems as the end of the school year was approaching.
The station wagon pulled into the driveway and Pacey jogged around the car helping with Joey's door. He was such a gentleman to not only her but every girl he met but Joey was never jealous, she actually found it endearing. They walked in silence to the beach house and Pacey opened the door offering her to step in.
He glanced back at the drive way then scanned the room glancing up the stairs, "Gretchen?" He called out. When there was no reply he shrugged looking back over at Joey who was sitting at the couch, eyes drawn to the floor, "I guess she left early," he let out a forced laugh looking down at his feet, "us Witter's are known to jump the gun with our departures." His mind drifted to the summer before when he nearly lost her the first time after he had decided to take True Love on her maiden voyage a day early.
"I had forgotten she was leaving," Joey forced out her voice crackling below the tears that were still unshed.
Pacey crossed the room reaching into the refrigerator and taking out the jug of milk removing the cap and taking a long swig. Joey looked up from her gaze as she watched him attempting a smile at the corner of her lips, "You never use a glass." She finally said her voice breaking the silence. "That's something I've always noticed about you," she paused locking eyes with his, "the fact that you didn't use a glass. It showed how comfortable you were with the people around you."
She looked away worrying her lower lip between her teeth, "You always chew on your lower lip, when you're nervous or uncomfortable you chew on your lower lip and no matter how many times you deny that you do it I always know to change the subject when you start to do it." Pacey replied as Joey blushed removing her lip from her teeth's grasp.
Silence fell over them both as they gazed at each other from across the room. Tears threatened the brim of her eyes and Pacey took a deep breath fighting the tightening in his chest and the urge to cross the room and take her in his arms. "I think I'm ready to sleep," Joey said softly as she picked up the small bag she had brought with her, he nodded as she disappeared into the bathroom. He replaced the milk and leaned against the wall of the kitchen banging his head against the space behind him. He let out a deep sigh as he brushed his hands over his face trying to fight off all the urges he had all the needs to be near her again.
As the door closed behind her she fell against it allowing all the tears she was fighting off to fall freely down her face. It couldn't end this way, with the awkward glances and forced smiles. A year ago it was the same way, when Dawson had found them outside on his front lawn and they had worked through it but it still hurt so badly, the feeling of it being over at that moment.
"Jo?" She heard muffled behind the door, "I'm gonna be upstairs, okay?"
She sniffled back her tears nodding absently, "Alright," she tried to reply as lightly as possible.
~*~
Trudging up the stairs the soft light from his doorway illuminated the hall. The beach house they had rented at the beginning of the fall had transformed into a homely place. The cold and dark rooms had transformed into a warm vibrant place with a little Witter touch.
Stopping in his doorframe she took in his appearance for a moment, he sat on his bed staring at his feet. His shirt and suit had been replaced with his gray wife beater and sweat pants, the same as the night last year at Aunt Gwen's. Sliding onto the bed next to him she leaned against the headboard. "I don't mind if your butt touches mine tonight," she smiled weakly breaking the ice.
"I think after the past year butt's touching is the least of our concern," Pacey replied his voice slightly brighter then before.
Snuggling more comfortably into the bed she took in his scent, "Pacey," she mumbled into his chest, "I remember everything."
"I thought that was my line," he replied nuzzling his nose in her hair his arm wrapping instinctively around her.
"Yeah like the first time you kissed me," she whispered her hand stroking his chest.
"Oh yes, not one of my finest moments," he grimaced, "as I do recall you laughed in my face before scurrying away as quickly as your two little feet could take you."
"I had a wonderful time at the carnival," she sighed, "you just surprised me."
"You are rather irresistible," he murmured barely above a whisper.
"After you kissed me I had a crush on you for like a month."
"Really?" She blushed nodding as she dug her head into the crook of his shoulder. He let out a light chuckle, "You know it shouldn't be embarrassing having a crush on someone you dated."
"I know," she said peeking up from her hiding a smile tugging at her lips. The locked eyes as the tension entered between them again, she reached for his hand entwining their fingers. "When did you know?" She asked her voice barely above a whisper.
"Know what?"
"That you were falling?"
He closed his eyes his free hand running up her arm as his fingers danced lightly on her smooth skin, "When you played hooky with me."
"Ah yes, hitch hiking gone terribly wrong." She paused tightening her grip around his hand, "The day we started working on True Love."
"Well that of course was after we bribed those freshmen into playing that God awful mule." He brought his hand to her hair, his fingers tangling between the silky strands. "When was it for you?"
She smiled resting her head back on his chest, "That night of the party, when you came to comfort me on my dock and you wrapped your arm around me and you understood without a word. But I didn't realize it till the dance lessons."
He chuckled softly, "The dance lessons from hell."
"The instructor was right though, about you and me," she said rotating her head so she could look at him, "we never went back to thank her."
"Well it's too late for that," he answered blankly regretting it immediately.
"Yeah," she responded breathlessly, her hands seeking more contact as she broke from his hand's grasp and ran them below his shirt.
"I never told you this," he said adjusting for her hands to roam, "but that night when Fred Fricke left was the night I fell in love with you."
Her hands explored every curve and contour that she already knew as her eyes rolled back in ecstasy. "Why do you say that?"
"Because I found you sleeping by the fire," he whispered his hands gliding along her back. "And I sat there all night just watching you sleep." His lips found her ear as he nuzzled into her neck his breath soft as his lips feathered lightly on her lobe; "I was mesmerized by your breathing, the slight fluttering of your eyes, how beautiful you were. I knew I could sit there forever."
Letting out a soft moan Joey pushed his shirt off over his head her hands traveling more freely engraving every crevice into her memory. "But then I met College Boy," she said with smirk at the nickname Pacey had coined, "and I went with him because I thought you wanted Jen."
"I never wanted Jen," he groaned under her touch, "she was just something to get my mind off of you."
"AJ was too shy," her lips ran along his smooth chest barely able to taste his salty skin.
"Couldn't have fooled me," he sneered bitterly, "when I found out that he kissed you I thought I had lost you."
"I would have stayed at the party if you asked," she replied breathlessly as his hands ran along her curves. "I thought you were going to tell me how you felt after the Valentine's Day disaster."
Pacey smirked massaging the small of her back, "I was, Doug told me to take a stand but I chickened out. Then I had to endure you and AJ again."
"I was a bitch to you," she replied still searching him for answers she didn't have questions for, "you put so much work into helping me, into making me happy and I didn't even notice."
"It was all worth it just to see you smile," he said sincerely his fingers trailing along her thigh.
"I fell in love with you when you bought me the wall," she found his eyes staring into the ocean blue orbs. "That's why I couldn't find the right thing to paint on it; I didn't want to disappoint you."
"You could have drawn a stick figure and I would have been happy, as long as it was what you wanted."
"Well if you had told me that," she laughed bringing her face up to his rubbing her nose with his. He tilted her head their lips making contact but there was too much pain to continue. "Then you kissed me again," she whispered her lips brushing his as she spoke.
"I knew I had you when you kissed me back," he answered his eyes dark with hurt and wanting. "But you broke my heart when you said it meant nothing."
"I only said that because you called it an impulse."
"I only said that because you shoved me down the highway."
"I was scared," she replied her voice dropping.
Pacey nodded stroking her arms soothingly his voice husky and soft, "Me too. But that night when you kissed me back was one of the greatest moments of my life."
"It ranked up there with me too," her voice was bright yet the tinge of sadness still seeped through.
"God, I love you so much," Pacey finally broke his arms wrapping tightly around her as he pressed her body against his. He had never wanted her so much not since they had danced at the Junior Prom. He couldn't have her then and he couldn't have her now, but now that he had had her it made giving her up so much worst. "I never thought that I could ever be with you and now I can't imagine my life without you."
He could feel the warm salty tears traveling down his chest as his hand found hers lacing through it and locking feeling like a perfect puzzle piece after holding it so many times before. "I don't wanna let you go," she cried against him, "I did it once and I don't ever want to do it again."
"We can't change things, it's too complicated now," he paused bringing her fingers to his lips massaging over them. "But if someday, I find you again and everything is right, I don't think there will be anything stopping me from loving you."
She stopped looking back up at him, moving their laced fingers along his cheek, "You asked me if I could ever love you like a soul mate," he nodded subtly as she began to shake her head, "No." His chest tightened as he flinched at the pain of her words, "Because I don't know how to love a soul mate, every time I tried it never worked out. But you, loving you is one of the easiest things I've ever done. Every inch of me loves you and it hurts so bad." Pulling her head back against his chest Pacey relieved a deep breath.
"I'll never love anybody like I love you," he whispered against her hair and could feel her nod against him.
"You almost left without saying goodbye," she said suddenly going back to where they left off.
"I was afraid that you'd want me to go. But when you told me I was running away I knew you hadn't given up."
"I was too scared to tell you; there was too much at risk then, and I knew after everything was said and done, you'd still be there." She brought their locked hands to her lips, the taste of him still present as she inhaled his scent.
"You broke my heart again when you wouldn't say goodbye."
"You didn't put me in the best of positions at that moment," she said matter-of-factly.
"Well what can I say, I was bitter," his light chuckle filled the room as she rubbed her cheek against his chest now slick with anticipating sweat.
She shrugged, "It was well deserved."
His free hand grazed across her back grabbing at the thin material of her tank top. She brushed their hands between them feeling both of their hearts pounding through their chests. "But you came back."
"I was sick of running." He rolled on top of her grinding against her instinctively as she let out a soft moan her hands exploring his back.
"When you told me you loved me, it was the happiest moment of my life." His voice was a husky whisper as his nose traced every contour of her face. "And then we sailed into the sunset and everything was perfect."
Bringing her hands around his neck she lifted her gaze to his. Her grayish hazel eyes melted into his crystal blue as she lowered his face to hers. Her voice dropped to a painful whisper, "Pace, I'm gonna kiss you now, in about ten seconds, so if you don't want me too," she said her breath hot against his lips, "then you're just going to have to stop me."
"Jo, I can't keep on kissing you," he said his voice breaking as he held her face in his hands; "I don't wanna talk anymore."
Nodding slightly Joey tried to blink away the newly forming tears. Noticing this Pacey tilted her head to his brushing some loose hair away from her forehead. She smiled tilting her head farther and laying a kiss on his forehead before snuggling back into his arms, the last night she would be able to feel safe.
Creek Dweeb # 37: Because I Remember Everything... No Seriously EVERYTHING!!!
