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Hello,

Hope it wasn't too long a wait this time! I wanted to be back to post last week, but that never happened. But here I am now.

Thanks so much for your continued kindness and for reading. I'm so appreciative of all your comments and feedback. (And bridgew, you were closer than you might think! Hee.)

Hope you enjoy!

Love,
Juliet

The glow of morning sunlight bristled brightly off vivid blue water as sea gulls swarmed and cried in a paler sky, left abandoned in the wake of a passing troller. The crisp autumn air held a slight snap of winter, and the chill nipped at her heels, propelling her forward.

There wasn't another boat in sight anywhere, the wind tossing the white-caps all around as waves rolled in, rushing towards their retreat. Joey kept her focus, the brim of her baseball cap shielding the unforgiving glare of sunlight as her long ponytail bounced steadily off her back with each pounding step.

She liked to run along this part of the beach. The packed sand gave just a slight pull and drag beneath her feet to make it that more difficult, which made her feel stronger for plodding on. She ran until her legs were tired and trembling, her lungs ached and her eyes burned, only slowing to a walk as she rounded the corner at the end of the barrier wall. Resting her hands on her hips as she started up the street, Joey's puffs of breath rose up like tiny frost vapors into blue air.

It was unseasonably chilly at this early hour of the morning, and some front lawns glistened with a light crystal icing. Lately--whenever Meg inevitably awoke first--Joey would bring her into her bed, cuddling with the baby to savor those last few minutes of close and blissful warmth before they had to start their day. But this morning Joey was the first one awake, eyes wide open in the darkness before dawn.

Full of troubled and restless energy, tossing and turning and finally giving up to pace the floors of the quiet house, she nearly jumped out of her skin when Natalie came knocking at the front door at quarter to 7:00. Joey had a noontime staff meeting at Worthington, and she almost forgot she had previously asked the teenager to come over and stay with Meg until Pacey got there so she could catch the early train.

Joey immediately revised the plan on the spot, however, instead asking Natalie to stay and have breakfast with Meg while she went for a quick run. She would skip the train in favor of driving up to Boston and be showered, dressed and ready by the time Pacey arrived. Running first was mandatory, however. Joey needed something to help ease her stress and anxiety before facing him. And it gave her time to sort out exactly what it was she wanted to say.

Yet, as she walked up the street to cool and stretch her muscles, her heart rate continued its hammering beat, and she only felt her stomach twisting up in tighter, nervous knots. Nothing was going to make this any easier.

Pacey had barely spoken to her since the wedding. And the more Joey tried to communicate, the more he seemed to shut down. She understood he was still too angry to sort it all out with her now and she was trying to understand. But for the past three days, it had been like walking a fine line--wanting to pull him so much closer while trying desperately not to push him even further away.

He worked all of Sunday, but when she called the restaurant, he was too busy to take the phone. Monday was his day off, yet when she called his cell or the apartment, he didn't pick up. As discouraging as it was, Joey knew he couldn't keep avoiding her because she knew he couldn't stay away from his daughter.

Today he would arrive, expecting to pick Meg up and expecting Joey to be gone. This would finally be the chance she'd been waiting for, the chance to explain.

Blowing out an unsteady sigh, her breathing gradually returning to normal, Joey glanced up from her study of the ruts and cracks in the sandy pavement. A glint of light caught her attention, bouncing brightly off the metallic sheen of a truck turning away at the top of the street to pull out onto the main road. She hesitated, pausing on a wary frown. The rising sun was directly in her eyes, so despite the shade of the hat she had to squint--but she was almost positive that was Pacey's truck.

Heart pumping faster, Joey picked it back up to a slow jog, sprinting the last fifty yards or so to the house to push through the front door. Hurrying down the hall, she burst into the kitchen. There she stopped short. Natalie sat at the kitchen table, book open next to her cereal bowl as she caught up on her reading assignment for school. But Meg's highchair was empty; her diaper bag gone.

"Oh, hey…" Natalie glanced up briefly before closing her book. She stood to start gathering her things, shoving it all into her backpack. "You just missed Pacey. He had a little blonde girl with him--his niece, I guess? He had to get her to school so couldn't wait until you got back. And now I should be getting to school myself so…" Her voice trailed off as she glanced back up to see Joey standing there, stunned and slightly crestfallen. Natalie immediately looked worried, her frown darkening. "Wh-what's the matter? I'm sorry, but did I do something wrong? Because you said he was coming to get her so I--"

"No," Joey's assured her, shoulder slumping on her sigh of defeat. "You didn't do anything wrong, Natalie. I just wasn't expecting him until a little later. The whole reason I had you come over this morning was because he said he had to go buy fish for the restaurant, and those guys are at the pier at the crack of dawn."

"Well, I did ask him about that and he said his morning plans got changed," Natalie explained in a smaller voice, looking a little pale now and sounding a bit like she might cry. "I didn't think it was a big deal. I mean, I know you like to kiss her goodbye and everything but he claimed he really had to go and so-"

"Really, Natalie," Joey interrupted more gently this time, burying another sigh as she walked to the refrigerator to get some water. Technically, Pacey had done nothing wrong in simply arriving early to pick up Meg for the day. Yet she had to wonder if he was really in a hurry to get somewhere, or simply in a rush to get out of here. "It's fine. I was just surprised, that's all. It's not a problem."

The teenager still seemed dubious but relaxed a little, and finished filling her backpack before she slung it over her shoulder. She shrugged with a small, tentative smile. "Well, I should go. My friend Jesse will be here to pick me up for school any minute. I'm just going to wait out front."

"Okay," Joey took a long pull from a water bottle, the cold liquid hitting her empty stomach with a hollow thud. Underneath the bland coolness there was the slightest hint of salt, a bitter trace of tears swallowed down along with it. She motioned towards the opposite counter. "Your money is right there in that envelope. Thanks again for helping me out this morning."

Natalie picked up the envelope but hesitated in the kitchen doorway, glancing back over her shoulder and looking strangely serious, like she had something important to say.

"What?" Joey softened her voice. "What is it?"

"Nothing, it's just…" She pursed her lips, appearing to struggle through a brief internal debate before she blurted it out. "Even though you guys aren't together, you just seem like you have a really good thing. Like this surprisingly healthy and drama-free arrangement. And it shows, in Meg. She's like the happiest kid I've ever baby sat for," she finished simply, shrugging her shoulder. "And I just hope it always stays that way, that's all."

Joey could only nod her head and smile in response as Natalie turned to walk out the door, not quite trusting her voice until she was standing there alone in the kitchen.

"Yeah…" She drew in a shaky breath to release a sigh. "Me, too."





Slowing to a stop at the intersection at the end of the beach road, Pacey glanced past the marshy grasses and dunes, but there was only sand and ocean as far as the eye could see.

When he arrived at the house to find Joey's car still there, the jolt of surprise hit him like a dull punch to the chest. He assumed she would already be gone, since the plan was for him to pick up Meg from Natalie's care. And he didn't even realize he had been sitting there, staring balefully at the front door as he gripped the wheel, until Amy's voice piped up from the back seat.

"Aren't we going in to get baby Meg?"

Having built himself up for the confrontation, Pacey was relieved and yet somehow oddly disappointed that Joey was out for a run on the beach. He was glad, however, for the convenient excuse of needing to get Amy to school.

"I wish I could stay and play with you and Meg all day," she commented with a heavy sigh as he crouched down to zip up her hooded coat on the sidewalk.

"I'm sure Meg would like that too," he replied, ruffling his hand over her blonde locks before he straightened to stand. "Just like I'm sure your dads would love to hear how Uncle Pacey contributed to your truancy and juvenile delinquency while they were away."

"To my what?" the little girl asked, wrinkling her nose as she gazed up at him with a quizzical frown. It was almost exactly the way Jen used to look at him when she missed his point (or when he rambled on too long and lost it somewhere).

He chuckled, narrowing his gaze. "Listen, blondie…we'll have plenty of time for fun later, okay? But for now--be cool." He held out a hand and she took the invitation to slap her palm against his. "Stay in school."

He smiled to watch her dutifully trudge away, grasping the shoulder straps of her pink Hello Kitty backpack as she followed the other kids into the yellow clapboard shingled preschool. With Meg was tucked safe away in her baby seat in the truck parked behind him, he wondered how he was supposed to handle it when it was her turn to make that walk.

Climbing back in behind the wheel, Pacey glanced back at her, those round blueberry eyes taking it all in. While he looked forward to all the things they would do together someday, at the same time he wanted to keep her just like this--the one perfect thing in his life.

He pulled the truck away from the curb, lost to his thoughts once again as he settled into the familiar drive to the restaurant. He knew Meg was his. No one could ever make him question that, or take that away from him. There was no room for any kind of doubt in this all-encompassing love he felt for his baby daughter.

When it came to Joey, however, it was a different story. No matter how much he loved her, doubt somehow always managed to sneak its way in.

He didn't need to be reminded of how it felt to discover she kept the pregnancy a secret from him for so long. He certainly didn't need to be reminded by Dawson, of all people. And Pacey thought he understood and maybe even sympathized with her reasons, but had he really? Thinking back now, he could only remember how scared he was when Meg was first here, how insignificant and helpless he felt in the face of this tiny infant's struggle for life. Nothing else mattered then--so had he simply placed his feelings aside without really dealing with them, not wanting to acknowledge or admit what that secrecy meant in her feelings for him?

Easing the truck into his usual parking spot behind the Icehouse, he blew out a weary sigh, irritated to be caught wading back into these dangerous, murky waters of self-doubt. Here he was--after all these years--letting Dawson Leery get to him again. He supposed it was rather hypocritical of him to have cast all the blame on Joey. But the difference was that Dawson always reminded Pacey of how bad he once felt about himself. With Joey, Pacey wondered if Dawson only reminded her of how she once felt about…Dawson.

He hated the thought of them together. It left a burning, bitter taste in his mouth--and didn't make his stomach feel so hot either. He couldn't even bring himself to imagine it while she was pregnant. Pregnant with his child.

"Coffee, boss?"

With Meg balanced in his arm, Pacey paused to check the reservation book left open on the bar, glancing up just briefly in response to Aidan's question. "Is it too early in the day for Scotch?" he murmured.

Holding the coffee pot, Aidan grinned and shrugged. "I don't know. Guess it depends on whether you think nine AM is early."

Pacey smirked faintly before closing the book. "Coffee, it is."

"And the babe?" Aidan asked, grabbing him a mug.

"She'll have the scotch."

As the preschool day lasted all of two hours, before long it was time to go back and get Amy. Since it was also time for Meg's nap, the little girl was agreeable to taking a short drive along the harbor road until the baby drifted off with her bottle.

"We'll head back to the restaurant," Pacey glanced in the rearview mirror to watch Meg's dark lashes flutter against her round cheeks, "and maybe you can help me with lunch in the kitchen."

"Okay!" Amy chirped happily, swinging her feet as she gazed out the truck window. Taking note of the baby drifting off in the car seat next to her, she lowered her voice in confidence. "I'm a really good cook. I even know how to make pancakes."

"Really? Now that's impressive."

"I can show you if you want," she assured him in a solemn whisper. "It's wicked easy."

"I look forward to it," Pacey chuckled.

After a short lapse of silence, Amy leaned back in her seat on a reflective sigh. "I wish we could have another wedding. That was so fun."

"Yeah, it was…" Pacey managed a smile, though it hurt a little around the edges. He didn't exactly hold the best memories of the day.

"I know! Why don't you and Joey have one?"

His smile abruptly faded and Pacey tightened his grip on the wheel. "Ah, well…" He cleared his throat, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. "Not everyone gets married."

"But you were married to Auntie Andie."

Pacey buried a sigh under his grimace. He didn't exactly have a comeback for that one.

"My dads had a wedding because we're a family," Amy continued as she gazed out at the passing scenery, oblivious to his pain. "Aren't Meg and Joey your family too?"

"Um, well…yeah, but sometimes…" Pacey furrowed his brow, trying to ignore the dull ache inside his chest. "Sometimes it's just not that simple, blondie. It's--well, it gets complicated."

Amy nodded her head sagely. "Grown-up stuff."

"Yeah…" The corner of his mouth tugged up sadly. "Exactly."

Seemingly satisfied with this response, Amy ended her line of questioning there, content to hum along with the radio.

Frowning as he fixed his gaze on the road, Pacey couldn't quite get the little girl's words out of his head. Of course, it had occurred to him before that there was a least the possibility that Joey reasons for being with him had a lot--if not everything--to do with him being Meg's father.

Joey knew how he felt about her. She always knew. But the last time they ever came close, when she last had that free and clear choice, unencumbered by the responsibilities of a dependent child or anything else, she chose LA. She chose Dawson, regardless of whether it worked out for her in the end. (Of course, Pacey had pretty much chosen wrongly at that particularly sad and emotionally distressing time in his life too--he had the divorce papers to prove it.)

But now here they were, seemingly with all their mistakes and wrong turns behind them, parents of a gorgeous and healthy baby girl and a clear path to the wide-open future stretched out before them. Yet the ghost of the past rears its ugly (and rather large) head and suddenly there's another fork in the road.

After spending a couple of hours at the restaurant, Pacey bundled both girls up to take them to the little harborside park down the street. The late afternoon sun hung low over the water by the time they finally had to leave to get Amy to her grandmother's.

After Jen died, Evelyn Ryan never went back to New York, instead choosing to remain here in her former hometown, close to her beloved granddaughter. It was a decision that Jack and Doug highly encouraged and supported. At one point, Pacey recalled they were even offering to build an addition onto the beach house as a sort of in-law apartment for her to live with them. But it was important for Evelyn to maintain her independence and she instead found a little two-bedroom house downtown, close to old friends and in walking distance to all the shops.

As they turned off Main onto the quiet and leafy side street, Amy sat up straight in the back seat, her nose pressed to the glass. The house was a quaint gingerbread style cottage, brown shingles trimmed in seashell pink with a bright periwinkle blue door. In season, the yard was full of hydrangeas, rose bushes and hollyhocks. With the assurance there would always be some freshly baked treat in the kitchen, as well as her own room with an old-fashioned princess canopy bed, for the little girl a stay at her grandmother's house was one of the single greatest events in her world.

"Grams…we're here!" Amy announced with delight, hopping down the front hall on one foot just for the fun of it.

Carrying Meg, Pacey followed the little girl into the sunny blue kitchen at the back of the cottage, windows draped in floral curtains, the hutch filled with Wedgwood china and rose-covered porcelain teapots. As expected, a plate of chunky oatmeal raisin cookies, still soft and warm, was set out on the tiled counter. Mrs. Ryan was at the stove, but immediately turned to greet her granddaughter with a bright smile, crouching to catch her in a hug.

"And how was your day, child?" she smiled, smoothing Amy's wispy blonde curls out of her eyes.

"Good! Uncle Pacey took me to his restaurant and let me make my own pizza!"

"Well, now, that's very exciting." Mrs. Ryan gripped the counter edge to straighten up, only showing her true age every once in a great while. "But I hope you left room for dinner because I'm making your favorite--chicken and dumplings."

"I did," Amy promised; then danced away towards the hutch. "Can I set the table?"

"Yes, that would be lovely, dear." Mrs. Ryan turned her smile on him, reaching out to rub Meg's chubby leg. "Would you like to stay for dinner, Pacey? I have more than enough."

"Believe me, I wish I could." Pacey arched an eyebrow towards the pot, where the plump chicken breasts simmered in creamy homemade gravy. Evelyn Ryan was about the only cook in town with whom he felt no sense of competition--he could admit hands down she had him beat. "I have to get Meg back to Joey's, and then I have to get back to the Icehouse. But thank you." He held up the small pink Hello Kitty backpack in his opposite hand before placing it on a kitchen chair. "Here's her stuff."

"Oh, thank you, dear." Turning away just briefly to adjust the heat on the burner, stirring the chicken in the pot, Mrs. Ryan's voice lilted up into a question. "So, I know you're probably in a hurry, but by any chance did you hear what happened to Dawson Leery?"

Since it seemed really wrong and inappropriate in this setting to suggest a fiery horrific plane crash on his way back to LA, Pacey only shook his head. "No," he said, his brow darkening at the mere mention of the name.

Mrs. Ryan turned back around, and Pacey thought he detected a glimmer of something like mischievous amusement in her pale blue eyes as she began to relate the story.

Apparently on his way out of town, Dawson's car had been stopped, pulled over on Main Street by a Capeside patrol officer in his cruiser, one of the few who had to work that day and miss the wedding. Obviously the news of what happened at the reception must have spread pretty quickly--within minutes by Pacey's estimation. This was a small town, after all. A small town that was rather big on their current sheriff.

There on Main Street, Mrs. Ryan went on to explain, Dawson reportedly became so combative and enraged he was ordered right out of the back seat of the sleek black luxury town car under suspicion of being under the influence, and in possession of a controlled substance. Of course, Pacey knew the guy was probably just drunk, and with a hired driver at the wheel--even if it was just an airport rental driver--there was certainly no law against that. Still, the officer decided to conduct a complete and thorough search of his person, frisking him down and making him perform several rather embarrassing (and most likely highly unnecessary) sobriety tests, right there in the middle of downtown Capeside on a busy weekend afternoon, before he let him go.

"Well, it drew quite a crowd, as you can imagine," she finished with a sigh, and seemed to suppress a secret smile even as she maintained a serious note. "The kind of excitement we don't often see around these parts. Very few are likely to forget seeing such a spectacle played out with a recognizable Hollywood name. Though I hear now he may sue for police harassment or some such thing. Of course, I don't think he'll have much of a case, do you?"

Considering how much the asshole's ego had inflated--doubling, tripling, even quadrupling in size right along with his big, successful Hollywood career--Pacey could only imagine how it must have enraged the self-righteous golden boy to be treated so disrespectfully right in front of all the little people on what should've only been a triumphant return to his hometown. The news of his public humiliation didn't, however, make Pacey feel any better.

Well, okay, maybe it did just a little.

"Nah," he agreed quietly. "I doubt it. Not if the officer had cause."

Mrs. Ryan leaned over then, gently squeezing his arm as she lowered her voice conspiratorially. "There will be several witnesses who confirm he, in fact, did."

Even if his mood remained down, the corner of Pacey's mouth quirked up to imagine that Evelyn Ryan might've fooled them all these years and was actually the leader of some top secret Capeside vigilante justice league.

After leaving the cottage, however, his amusement was short-lived, vanishing instantly the moment he pulled his truck into Joey's driveway. Somberly, he gazed at the front door, realizing he could no longer keep avoiding her.

If she didn't want the same things as he did, Pacey could be okay with that--or at least he would try to find a way to be okay. But right now he wasn't sure Joey even really knew what she wanted, and worried she might once again be giving in to old doubts and fears. And he'd been there. He could try to understand, sympathize and even learn to accept. But what he absolutely could not tolerate was the idea she might be letting Dawson interfere and influence her decision.

He could barely tolerate when they were sixteen, but at least then he was able to better understand. But there was no excuse for it in their lives now, not anymore.

Burying a troubled sigh, he climbed out from behind the wheel, walking around the truck to unbuckle Meg from her car seat in back. He was still nursing some serious wounds, the cut rather deep since he had left his guard completely down with her. But, after all that happened between them, he never expected her to just turn around and tell him she'd changed her mind.

Maybe history really was doomed to repeat itself where they were concerned, because once again he'd put it all right out on the table with her, and once again she'd thrown it all right back in his face. Pacey hated being in this position, wondering what he did wrong and feeling like he failed some test. He hated even more that it had to involve Dawson Leery in any way, but it wasn't until he showed up on the scene, snorting and spouting off per usual that Joey seemed to suddenly change her mind.

As to her heart, right now that was anyone's guess.

While he definitely wasn't ready to risk reopening that wound and reliving the hurt, at the same time Pacey couldn't admit total defeat. Maybe, however, what he needed was just to retreat a while.

Slinging the diaper bag over his shoulder, he propped Meg in his arm to walk to the front door, tugging up the hood on her fleece sweatshirt when he felt the gentle buffets of ocean wind.

It opened before he got there, and Joey stepped out. She must have already changed from work, wearing jeans and a long cable knit cardigan sweater that she hugged close to her body, probably feeling the chill as well. Her face looked freshly washed, cheeks tinged pink and gorgeous without even a hint of makeup. Silky strands of her long hair blew across her face in the wind, but as she lifted her hand to brush it behind her ear, revealing those fathomless deep brown depths that shimmered with flecks of green, blue and gold, it was her eyes that stopped him short, stealing away his breath.

Even though they arrived together, her on his arm as his date, he asked his sister Gretchen to give her a ride home after the wedding reception. He claimed he had to use his truck to help Doug and Jack transport all the gifts from the Inn back to the beach house, which was mostly true. But what was also true was, at the time, it hurt too much to look at her.

This was the first time he was seeing her since that night, and it still did.

"Hey," he regarded her somewhat warily from that safe distance, feeling a bit like a dog that had been kicked too often.

"Hey." A corner of her mouth lifted up on a faint smile. "How was your day?"

"Okay." Passing Meg over while avoiding any contact whatsoever, he slid the bag off his arm to hand that over as well. "I also had Amy for the day so it was interesting, to say the least."

Joey tried to balance both the baby and the bag, her smile fixed in place. "I'll bet. So, um, Doug and Jack are probably enjoying cocktail hour on the beach about now, huh?"

"Yeah." Glancing down at his watch, Pacey took that opening, any one he could get. "And speaking of time, I really need to get back to the restaurant."

"Oh." Joey hugged Meg close but suddenly lost her hold on the smile. "I, ah…I thought maybe you could come in for a little while. I stopped for some take-out, hoping you might stay for dinner. I've been trying to call, Pace. I just hoped--I hoped we could talk."

"Can't right now," he said, backing away as he shook his head. "Even if I wasn't already running late…" Sighing heavily, he glanced at the ground. The proximity of her was killing him just a little bit, and he had to get out of here. "I just can't, okay?"

"Well, when can you?" she asked, refusing to let it go.

"I don't know," he mumbled vaguely.

Once Pacey realized he made the mistake of leaving himself too wide open, it was like he had no choice but to shut down tight. It was a natural reaction, a defense mechanism perhaps, but he couldn't just reverse the process. He couldn't go back, and do this all over again. Not right now.

And, with his hurt and anger buried so close to the surface, it was difficult to keep it all contained. Left alone, he could sulk and brood and wallow in that dull, persistent ache. But with her right here in front of him, everything was thrown into sharper focus, and the pain was very real.

"Well…she has her nine month check up tomorrow, you know."

"Yeah, I know." He barely glanced up, already turning to leave. "I'll be there."

Joey arched an eyebrow, sounding dubious as she hiked Meg up in her arms. "You will?"

Pacey paused to frown, scoffing under his breath, irritated by both the comment and her reaction.

"Well, why wouldn't I be?" he demanded to know, turning to lift his hands as he furrowed his brow. "I've been here every day, haven't I? Present and accounted for."

His antagonist response hit its mark, and Joey slowly retreated inside a sullen frown.

"I just thought you might have to work, that's all," she replied with that familiar sardonic drawl. "But had I known you were expecting medals to be handed out for being a parent, I would've-"

"Hey, whoa…" he scowled, cutting her off right there, "I don't have problems committing to something, okay? That's all I'm saying."

"Meaning I do, right?" She shook her head, her smirk darkening her expression. "You know what? Forget it. You're right--maybe now isn't a good time to talk, seeing as you seem incapable of having a rational and civil conversation at the moment."

"No, the only thing I'm incapable of is repeating the same conversation we've always had, Jo," he bit back, snorting out a sarcastic, humorless laugh. "I mean, to keep doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result... isn't that the very definition of insanity?"

"Well, you'd be the authority," she replied without missing a beat.

With narrowed eyes, they both glared at each other a long moment, then she turned to stomp into the house with the baby, slamming the door shut behind her.

Muttering a few choice words under his breath, Pacey stalked off to his truck, climbing back behind the wheel to wrench the door shut. With a roar of the engine, scattering pebbles in his wake, he drove off down the street.





With Meg at her feet, sitting between her legs on the brightly colored alphabet-lettered carpet, Joey anxiously peered over at the clock on the wall behind the reception desk. They arrived early for the scheduled appointment but the doctor was running a little late with another patient. Yet Pacey still wasn't here.

She'd been kicking herself ever since their conversation at the door when he dropped Meg off last night. Lying awake in bed, staring at the milky moonlight ripples on her bedroom ceiling, Joey wondered how she could have been so foolish as to completely ruin her chance to fix things between them. It was her first opportunity to speak with him face-to-face since the wedding, and what happens? Instead of explaining or talking anything out like grown adults--not to mention parents of a dependent child--they only ended up trading juvenile insults and sarcastic barbs.

"Ma-bah-da-dah," Meg announced at her feet, holding up a foam rubber block from the pile of toys in front of her.

"Yes, I know," Joey replied distractedly, sighing as she snuck another glance at the clock.

"Margaret Witter?" The doctor's nurse appeared in the waiting room, clipboard in hand. She smiled when she spotted the baby there with Joey. "We're ready for you now. You can follow me."

Easing the strap of her bag over her shoulder, Joey bent to scoop Meg up and then moved to stand. She had only taken one step after the nurse, however, when the front door of the doctor's office opened to the blustery fall morning and Pacey appeared out of a sunlit spiral of red and gold leaves.

He hesitated there in the doorway and Joey stilled, their gazes meeting in a silent, uncertain exchange.

"We're just going in now," she explained quietly. "Good timing."

Her attempt to start it off as a new day and a clean slate was met only by a sarcastic snort he tried to bury under his quiet murmur.

"For once, eh?"

Joey ducked her head to hide her faint frown as she walked away down the hall, managing a polite nod of the head to the nurse as she slipped past her into the exam room. Pacey, on the other hand, came up with one of his most charming 'hellos'. Joey experienced a touch of gag reflex when the nurse nearly blushed in response.

"Just get her down to the diaper, okay?" She spoke to Joey, but her smile was now all over Pacey. "Dr. Connolly will be in to see her in just a minute."

The nurse then hung the clipboard on the back of the door and left, closing it behind her.

Stripping off Meg's little fleece-lined hoodie, Joey shot him a brief glare as she set the baby down on the exam bed to remove her jeans and pink sweater.

Every exam room at Capeside Pediatrics was done up in some child-friendly decorating theme. Today they were surrounded by wavy stripes in shades of sea foam green and aquamarine, cheerful orange crabs, red lobsters and even a purple octopus. Being submerged on the bottom of the ocean floor, however, wasn't really helping. The room was already small enough, and the way Pacey lurked in a far corner with hunched shoulders made it seem the walls were closing in. There was little doubt in Joey's mind it wasn't so much the dimensions of the room but the fact he had to share this confined space with her.

Despite the rising levels of discomfort, Joey made an attempt to break the awkward silence.

"I'm at least grateful that there aren't any shots scheduled today," she sighed, getting Meg down to her diaper, t-shirt and polka-dot socks.

Surprisingly enough, Pacey relaxed his stiff posture enough to approach, lifting a hand to stroke Meg's soft brown hair.

"Yeah…I've seen her go through enough of that," he acknowledged quietly, and there was something innately protective in his caress.

In that moment, there seemed to be an unspoken acknowledgement of all they went through in her first couple of months in the hospital. Joey was grateful that there were still some things between them that didn't need to be said. Suddenly, the size of the room didn't feel so constricting.

"I'm going to leave her socks on." She glanced over at him. "It's kind of chilly in here. I hate for her little toes to get cold."

Though Pacey kept his eyes on the baby, the corner of his mouth twitched. "I wouldn't worry about it. Since approximately two-thirds of her total body fat is centered in her feet, that's gotta provide some insulation."

Joey bit down on her bottom lip, tentatively restraining a full grin of amusement. Lying back on the exam table, Meg glanced between them with one of her delighted smiles, pumping those round, chubby feet in the air.

At that moment, Dr. Connolly entered with a quick knock on the door. Joey stayed by Meg but Pacey came around to stand beside her, giving the doctor room to check the baby's height and head circumference before placing her briefly on the scale at the end of the exam table to get her weight. They took turns answering a few questions he posed as to her eating habits and sleep patterns. As much as Joey was pleased to hear how well Meg was doing, healthy and thriving, she was secretly thrilled to think this might be the kind of breakthrough she and Pacey needed right now.

Surely being reminded what was important, this miraculous little person they helped create, would open him up to letting her back in.

"Wonderful…she's doing just wonderful," the doctor concluded, giving the baby's plump knee a gentle pat of his hand. "Now I'm just going to get Janine, my nurse, and we'll take care of the other business."

Joey was smiling down at Meg but her head jerked up on a frown, recognizing something in the doctor's tone.

"What do you mean? Are you talking about shots?"

Dr. Connolly winced slightly on a sharp intake of breath, as it wasn't a term they liked to use in his office. If at all possible, they would try to phrase it in some other way or speak in code, not wanting to traumatize the child with the negative connotations attached to the word. (Apparently they liked to save that for the real thing.)

"Shots?" Pacey repeated, his brow darkening with an immediate scowl. Clearly neither one of them got the memo. He gave Joey an almost accusatory look. "I thought you said there were no shots today."

"That's what the vaccination schedule said," she offered in her defense, but it seemed tensions were strained between them once again.

Dr. Connolly grabbed the chart, referring to it. "She needs a follow-up dose on the Hep B, and it says last time we spoke about getting her that flu immunization." He glanced up. "It's something I would strongly suggest at her age, and at this time. But I'll leave it up to you."

Joey pursed her lips, pushing her hair back behind her ear before she glanced at Pacey. He gave her a brief look, his dark gaze holding just a hint of accusation, before he blew out a weary sigh.

"Well, if she needs it, she needs it," he muttered in quiet resignation.

Joey looked back to the doctor, nodding her consent.

When the doctor and nurse returned, ready and armed, they each went to their opposite sides. Pacey rested a hand on Meg's arm as Joey smoothed her wispy locks off her little forehead and they readied the baby's chubby thighs for the injections.

Their eyes met once over the unsuspecting child, both wincing at the same time to hear the cry of surprise and pain.

"Okay, all set," the doctor announced, giving Joey the go-ahead to gather the sobbing infant up in her arms and hold her close for comfort.

Pacey came around when Meg reached out over Joey's shoulder towards him, her broken cries escalating with just a touch of angry indignation.

"It's okay, baby girl," he assured her in a deep, soothing murmur, rubbing a caress over her back as Joey held her and rocked her in her arms. "All done now..."

Joey was also stroking the baby's back, and inadvertently her hand brushed against his. She stilled, even just that minor contact shooting through her like a tiny electric spark, immediately drawn into his eyes. In that split second, it was if the brief touch held the imprinted memory of every single intimacy they'd ever shared.

There was a flicker of something across his expression, perhaps an acknowledgement he felt it too. But then he dropped his hand as if burnt, taking a step away.

He quietly cleared his throat, looking everywhere but directly at her.

"You, um…you should probably get her home."

"Yeah," Joey agreed, glancing at the clock on the wall. "Bessie is there waiting for her. I'm supposed to catch the 10:30 train to Boston."

"And I have to get back to the restaurant. So, ah…" He moved towards the door. "Just have her call me if she needs anything."

"I will."

Watching him leave as she gently rocked the baby girl, Joey buried a soft sigh in the baby's fair hair.

Later that afternoon, gazing out her office window as the early setting sun slanted across the red brick buildings, the grassy courtyard littered with leaves, Joey watched the students strolling by. Gone were the flip-flops, layered tanks and shorts from the start of the semester. Now it was washed out jeans, hooded sweatshirts, wool pea coats and long, loosely-knotted scarves.

Although a manuscript lay open on the desk before her, all she could think about was that moment with Pacey in the doctor's office. No matter how brief and fleeting it might have been, she saw something still there in his eyes. A feeling, an emotion, a glimmer of hope--Joey didn't really know what to call it. But she knew she needed to reach out and hold onto it before it had a chance to slip away for good. Nothing so far had gone as she planned, one perfectly good opportunity to talk to him ruined and another missed altogether. Joey wasn't going to let it happen again. This had already gone on for too long.

Dropping her pen to let it roll across the page, she reached for the phone on her desk and, blowing out an unsteady sigh, she dialed Pacey's number. If he was purposefully avoiding or ignoring her calls as she feared, the element of surprise might work in her favor. He probably wouldn't recognize the incoming number, at least not immediately.

When he did, in fact, answer on only the second ring--essentially proving her right--Joey didn't know whether to feel victorious or utterly defeated.

"Hey, Pace…it's me." She paused too long. "Joey."

"Joey?" His voice rose on a slight note of concern. "Is it Meg? Did she have a reaction to those shots?"

"No, she's okay. She's fine…well, I have to assume she's fine because Bessie never called to say otherwise," she amended. "It's just--I just really want to talk, Pacey. I wish you'd just give me a chance here…to hear me out. I think there are things that really need to be said."

She was met only by steady silence on the other end of the line.

"And I was hoping you thought so, too," she murmured dryly, the heat starting to rise in her cheek as she slunk down in her seat. Drawing in a deep breath, she forged onward. "But it's obvious now it's never going to happen unless we make a plan to meet and just sit down so…" Emotion unexpectedly caught in her throat, briefly tripping her up. "There are some things that you need to know."

He sighed finally, his voice lowering. "I don't know when I can," he said. "I'm working tonight. I'll be working all day tomorrow and-"

"Just five minutes?" she cut in, trying not to sound too desperate. "Please Pacey? I know you can get away from the restaurant for just five minutes."

There was another brief pause before his tentative, reluctant reply. "When?"

She straightened in her seat, lifted up on that tiny hope. "I'm leaving my office in the next half hour or so and my train gets in at 5:30. Bessie isn't going to mind if I'm a little late coming by to get her."

"I can meet you there," he agreed quietly. "At the train."

"Thank you," she sighed, hoping her sigh of relief wasn't too obvious.

By the time the commuter rail train rolled into Capeside station, it was nearing dark. As she stepped off the platform, bag slung over her shoulder, it took a moment to spot him in the small tree-lined lot, slouching to lean against his truck, the collar of his brown suede coat tugged up to ward off the slight chill. While his expression seemed closed, he was at least open to taking a walk with her down to the harbor.

Strolling in silence, ashy starlight overhead, they crunched through the piles of leaves scattered across cobblestones, the cool ocean air tinged with the smoky scents of an October eve.

"Thanks again for agreeing to this, Pacey," she glanced at him, her hands shoved deep in the pockets of her wool coat. "I know you're upset with me right now, and I can't blame you if you're angry. I just want the chance to make you understand."

He walked with his hands tucked into his own coat pockets as he gazed down at the cracks in the sidewalk.

"I thought you were pretty clear."

She sighed. "Yeah, I know it may have seemed that way."

He chuckled then, so softly she barely heard him, but there was no humor in the sound.

"If you're just here to tell me you're confused, Jo, or that you're not ready or sure of what you want…well, that really doesn't change anything. We still end up here, in the same place we are now."

She slowed to a stop then, so he had to stop as well, forcing him to turn and face her.

"There's so much more to it, Pacey," she insisted quietly. "So much that I feel you really need to know before we can…" Even though she spent all day surrounded by other people's words, she still had to struggle to find her own. "Move forward, I guess."

The shrug of his shoulder seemed indifferent and he was reluctant, wary even, in his response.

"Like what?"

She drew in a deep breath, releasing it on a shaky sigh. "Like the fact I knew I was pregnant before I went back to LA…how I found out that weekend I was home for Bodie's fortieth birthday party. Although, I'm know you already suspected that much. But what I'm not sure about is whether you know, from that very first moment, you were the only possible person in the world it could have been, Pacey. As difficult as it was for me to face that truth under the circumstances, I knew. With undeniable certainty," she added with emphasis and a hint of a sad smile, "I knew. There was no room for any doubt, ever. And it's important to me that you know that now."

"Um, okay," he replied, glancing down. His expression, however, barely showed any reaction.

"I think you knew back then that things weren't great between me and Dawson," she added more confidentially. "I know I never really elaborated on our problems, but it's safe to say he wasn't, um, exactly a possibility there. And when I went back to LA after that…" Steadying her composure, she watched him carefully. "When I went back to LA, I may have shared Dawson's bed, but I didn't share my--"

"No." He visibly flinched, and rushed to cut her off there, his jaw tightening on his faint grimace. "You don't need to…"

"Yes, I do," she interrupted immediately, insisting. Ever since Dawson had left that implication dangling out there, it had been hanging over her head, an unwelcome weight on her already burdened shoulders. "That's something I also need you to know, Pace--for my own reasons. Okay?"

He sighed again, still not meeting her eyes, but gave a slight nod of head.

"In fact, the night you and I first spent together this summer, when we took the boat to Nantucket?" She softened her voice in gentle remembrance. "When we were together that night, well, I hadn't been with someone in a very long time. In fact, the last person I'd been with before that night…was you."

Still, he showed no visible reaction, no indication that he recognized the way she was trying to retrace the steps of her heart so he would know the path she took to reach him. Her eyes watered when she realized she wasn't getting through to him as she hoped, knowing that she now had to continue on to the bad part.

"But the thing I really need you to know is…" She had to pause when her voice broke just slightly, struggling to hold it together. "That weekend I found out? I went to the clinic in Falmouth after I took that first pregnancy test. See, um…" Joey realized she was trembling inside. "It wasn't…it wasn't the right time in my life. I was living with Dawson, you were married to Andie, everything was such a mess, there were way too many factors stacked against it." Almost without thinking, she reached up to play with the charm she always wore around her neck. "So I had a different plan in mind…for the pregnancy. Another option that seemed, briefly, like the only one." She paused, hoping she would have to say the words. "Do you understand at all what I'm trying to say?"

"I saw the papers, remember?" he sighed in faint resignation.

"No, Pacey…" She shook her head slowly, waiting to see that change in his eyes when he was finally forced to see her in a different light. "That's not what I'm talking about."

Still gazing at the ground, Pacey furrowed his brow. When he finally spoke, there wasn't really a question left. "You weren't going to have her." He seemed to hesitate for another long moment before he glanced up. "Is that it?"

She nodded her head.

"And that's what you wanted to tell me?"

"Well, yeah…" Joey retreated inside a shaky, uncertain sigh. "Though I guess I expected more of a reaction."

"Why?" Frowning, for the first time he became fully engaged in the conversation without holding anything back. "You actually think I would stand here in judgment of you, Jo? Have I ever once given you reason to believe that's who I am?"

"No," she admitted reluctantly. "It's just that…well, I'm not sure you were right about who I am. So you needed to know the truth."

Pacey said nothing to this. When he finally spoke, his words seemed so soft and fragile the wind could have carried them away.

"Would you have ever told me?"

The corners of her eyes stung from something more than just the chill in the wind. "I don't know," she admitted, her tone subdued with that unflinching honesty. Then she glanced at him. "Would you have really wanted me to?"

He arched his brow and gazed off towards the harbor lights in the distance, making a soft, hollow sound that was almost like a laugh but not quite. "I don't know," he echoed his admission.

They were both quiet again for a long moment, the stillness of the autumn evening around them magnified in its cold silence. Joey closed her watery eyes, realizing the contrast to sun-washed days, a blur of constant happy motion and the musical laughter of a little voice.

"I wish I knew what to say to make you understand, Pacey."

How could he possibly understand, first having to discover she considered just giving their child away, only now to find out that there might have never been a child for him to know at all? He had already been hurt by the secrets she kept; his whole life had nearly been ruined because of them. It was a lot for anyone to absorb, not even taking into consideration all the other ways she managed to hurt him in the past. Between running away in fear and pushing him away in denial, Joey never even knew how to accept the love he offered before.

How could she stand in front of him now and ask him to love her still?

He scuffed his foot against the sidewalk, breaking up a pile of dead leaves accumulated at the curb. "You don't have to say anything," he said. Hands shoved deeper into his coat pockets, he shrugged a shoulder. "In fact, I've been think you were probably right. You know, at the wedding."

Her lips parted, left briefly speechless with dismay. "But I didn't mean what I said at the wedding," she rushed to explain, gesturing with her hand as she took a step closer. "That's what I've been trying to tell you."

Pacey only shook his head, eyes cast down as he seemed to flinch and retreat.

"After everything…Andie, my divorce, Meg being in the hospital all that time…there was a lot going on and I felt pulled in about a hundred different directions," he sighed, suddenly sounding more distant. "Maybe I should've been by myself a while before, you know, rushing into anything here. And maybe you should have been too, considering the way you were so affected by seeing Dawson again." He shrugged his shoulder. "Maybe it wasn't the right time for us to, you know, start anything."

Joey's first thought was that this couldn't be true. She couldn't have missed her chance. Pacey couldn't really be saying these things. He had it all wrong, and he couldn't really mean this, so she rushed to disagree.

"Pacey, I know I may have said that, but it isn't how I truly feel, and Dawson only made me realize that-"

"But I'm trying to tell you how I feel."

This stopped her short. While one part of her was prepared to argue, refusing to accept defeat, there was another part of Joey that was well aware of all the ways Pacey had respected her feelings and wishes over the years--even putting hers before his own.

If she truly loved him, how could she not do the same?

"Are you…are you saying that's it?" she asked, unable to hide the tearful quiver of emotion in her voice.

What she wanted, of course, was for him to admit that it wasn't it. It wasn't how he really felt and maybe he was only speaking out of his anger or hurt, temporarily confused or even testing her, that it was all just a cruel joke--one that she was probably deserving of, but a joke nonetheless.

"I'm not sure what I'm saying right now," he conceded wearily.

Joey nodded her head slowly as it all sank in, realizing she'd put him through enough. "And this…us." She pursed her lips tight to suppress tears. "You're not sure about that either?"

He sighed with a quiet kind of finality, as if just coming to that conclusion himself. "I guess, as always, all I'm really sure about is what I want and what you don't."

Joey's voice was so swallowed up in emotion that she could barely manage a choked whisper. "I want this, Pacey. I do."

"You say that now." He shook his head, suddenly resolute. "Yet just days ago you tell me something completely different. All along, Jo, you've been saying we need to think of Meg…of our daughter. Well, I may have been able to do this with you in the past--to go back forth and get my hopes up again just to get them knocked back down--but not when it directly affects her life. I'm just not gonna do it again."

With nothing really left to say, he turned to walk away. But he hesitated, glancing back to meet her eyes in the broken moonbeams that filtered down through the trees.

"But just so we're clear, this is not about what you just told me, okay?" His tone shifted, and he spoke more gently. "I wouldn't want you to think something like that could ever change how I felt about you."

Watching him disappear up the sidewalk a moment later, cold shadows closing in on the autumn night, Joey realized he probably wasn't even aware of the slight discrepancy in his own words.

Felt, not feel.

"It already has," she whispered underneath a shiver of breath.

Dipping the rubber-tipped spoon into the mushy oatmeal, Joey swirled it through the glop of chunky applesauce, mixing it in as the cereal cooled. Outside the kitchen windows, the sky was a pale gray, and gold leaves drifted down from spindly tree branches like lazy snowflakes to paper the lawn.

It was a rather dreary morning after a somewhat sleepless night for both her and the baby, and Joey sat hunched over her coffee as Meg leaned back in her highchair, halfheartedly playing with one of her small toys. But, at the unexpected sound of the front door, they both sat up straight and alert, duplicate smiles lighting up their expressions.

"Da-dah," Meg murmured softly, nearly breathless with anticipation.

But it was Bessie who walked into the kitchen a minute later. She paused with a smirk.

"Gee…don't look so thrilled to see me."

Since the baby was happy to have a guest regardless, Joey realized the comment was directed to her. As it had been almost a week since their conversation at the train and nothing had changed, it wasn't like she was holding out much hope that Pacey would just show up here unannounced, walking right through the door with some joking comment and that blue-eyed grin. Yet still, she felt disappointed all the same.

"Sorry," she murmured, returning her attention to the oatmeal. "I just…" Sighing, she shook her head. "Never mind."

Bessie didn't press her, instead going straight to Meg to place both palms against her round cheeks. "How's my little pumpkin today?" she asked, squeezing in a kiss. Then she glanced at Joey. "Did you find her a Halloween costume yet? Because I had no luck trying to dig out any of Alexander's. I must have given them all away over the years."

Joey shrugged a shoulder. "I haven't had time."

Bessie gave her a look as she unbuttoned her leather jacket and loosened her scarf. "The party at the Icehouse is this weekend. You are planning on going, aren't you?"

"Pacey specifically said he wants her there," she sighed somewhat listlessly, "so I guess I have no choice."

Slipping off her coat to drape it on the back of a kitchen chair, Bessie smiled wryly. "And you think he doesn't want you there? Please…" she snorted softly, pulling the chair out to sit. "I've dropped Bodie off at work twice this week and Pacey's been there, moping around the restaurant just like you're moping around here."

Joey frowned, but straightened her shoulders from her slumped position. "I'm not moping."

"Right…" Bessie replied with her usual sarcasm. "You're just a regular ray of sunshine. But since you both seem dead set on making yourselves miserable, don't let me stop you."

"This is all him," Joey muttered on a frown.

"Not according to Pacey…" Bessie sighed too innocently.

"Why?" She glanced up sharply to scowl at her sister. Underneath, her heart picked up a rapid, thumping beat. "What did he say?"

"This is Pacey we're talking about. He didn't have to say anything." Bessie arched an eyebrow to look her up and down. "But what's your story?"

"I don't have one." Joey immediately dropped her eyes, continuing to stir the baby's oatmeal.

"Then what's the problem? What's holding you back? You love him, he loves you…you both love her." Bessie's hands were in motion. "You both have good careers, and this lovely place to make your home. Regardless of how you got here, you could have a perfect life together. What more do you want? What are you waiting for?"

Joey said nothing, but her frown deepened a little.

Narrowing her eyes, Bessie studied her for a long moment. When she spoke again, her voice was much softer.

"You know, Joey, it is possible for good things to happen. You don't have to be suspicious, thinking there is some hidden catch…or be afraid to trust in it, like it's all going to be taken away from you. Don't look for problems where there are none, or create these roadblocks in your mind, just to avoid the risk in reaching for what you really want. I realize how difficult it is for a true pessimist to hear this--but sometimes the way to happiness is as simple as allowing yourself to be happy."

"I want to be happy with him," she admitted with a sullen sigh. "It's all I want. But I don't think he believes that."

"Then make him believe."

Joey shook her head, once again history stacked against her. "How?"

"Well, that's something you have to figure out for yourself." Bessie sighed, and reached across the table to slide the cereal bowl over. "I've said my piece and now I'm done. From now on, I'm not getting involved. Anyway, the reason I'm here is because I know you mentioned you had to do some errands today. So why don't you go ahead? Do some shopping, take a little time for yourself." She finished stirring the cereal and then turned in her seat to face the baby. "I'll stay here with her."

"Really?" Pausing dubiously, Joey watched her sister spoon out the first bite of Meg's breakfast. "Well…I guess I could use an hour or two to get some things done." She hesitated, narrowing her gaze just slightly as if waiting to hear the catch. "But wait-can I shower first?"

"Oh, now you're pushing it," Bessie shot back, but then smiled to soften her humor. "Go ahead. Go crazy."

Standing from her seat at the table, Joey managed a grateful smile. "Thanks, Bess."

"No problem." She scooped out another mouthful of oatmeal for Meg, letting the baby grasp the spoon to help guide it. "But remember, offers like this don't come along every day. So if there's anything really important you want to do…anyone you want to see, or talk to…use your time wisely."

Joey paused to glance at her. "I thought you weren't getting involved," she smirked.

"I'm not," Bessie replied simply. "I'll be right here. Staying out of it."

Once showered and dressed, Joey drove downtown, parking halfway down the block from the Icehouse. While she may have spent the past few days sulking about like the picture of defeat after their last battle, the war wasn't quite over yet. In fact, armed with new determination provided by her sister, she hadn't even begun to fight.

She knew how stubborn Pacey could be, and how it often made him refuse to believe in hope. Joey could handle his defeatist attitude and deal with any negativity just as long as she knew that there was some evidence his feelings were still in there, somewhere. She made the mistake once before in her life in letting him just give up on them. It was something she'd regretted it ever since.

Being intimately familiar with all the ways Pacey could shut down, however, effectively shutting her out, Joey hadn't had much success in the past in trying to get him to open up. But this time she wasn't going to make it easy on him. Neither one of them could make a run for it now because they had to stay and be here for Meg. So, since they were both still here and both still parents together, there was certainly no harm in simply asking him to get a cup of coffee with her.

As Joey grew closer to the restaurant, however, her steps started to slow on the sidewalk. She wasn't even sure she knew what to say to him now, after their talk the other night. No, that wasn't entirely accurate. Joey knew exactly what she wanted to say. She wanted to say 'please let me back in'. Yet she knew she couldn't-not yet.

Drawing in a deep breath to continue on, Joey glanced into the corner coffee shop as she passed by its wide window. She preferred some privacy from the Icehouse, a more neutral location like this, so quickly checked the number of available seats and empty tables. But her gaze instead landed on one that was very much occupied.

There, right in a cozy quiet corner, it appeared Pacey was already having a cup of coffee. And he was having it with Andie.

Joey froze, her heart lurching to a sudden stop. In a rush of panic, she quickly ducked into the columned doorway of the used book shop next door, flattening herself against the alcove wall.

Hiding there, essentially trapped, Joey couldn't deny the tiny stab of jealousy she felt to see him so obviously enjoying a leisurely moment with his ex-when for the better part of a week he'd been doing everything within his power to avoid spending even a second of his time alone with her.

But, as that initial sting started to fade, Joey felt a much deeper ache start to spread throughout her chest. Seeing him there with Andie, Joey had to wonder if Pacey was beginning to regret what he gave up. Could she even blame him if he was now questioning whether all the pain and drama had even been worth it--if she had been worth it?

Looking to beat a hasty retreat, Joey peeked out just in time to see Andie emerge from the coffee shop entrance. The slender blonde paused on the brick stoop to sling a leather shoulder bag over her arm, then clinched the belt of her wool overcoat before walking away down the street.

Joey no longer felt the chill of the day, her cheeks hot, her chest tightening. Dropping her head, she ducked out of the bookstore doorway to make her escape in the opposite direction.

"Joey?"

It stopped her short, a purely physical reaction to simply missing the sound of his voice. But she almost immediately winced in pained embarrassment, caught.

Turning slowly, she tried for a casual air of mild surprise.

"Oh…hey."

Leaving the coffee shop behind, Pacey took a few tentative steps in her direction, studying her with a quizzical frown as he pulled on his coat. "What are you doing here?"

It dawned on Joey in that moment that there was really nothing at this end of the street except the bookstore, the coffee shop--the very one he just emerged from--and then the Icehouse just across the way. And, in her rush, she made the mistake of heading towards the restaurant rather than away from it.

"I, um, had to do some errands and…" She attempted to fabricate a cover story, figuring the nearby bookstore could provide her a believable alibi, but gave up almost immediately. What was the use in lying? "And I was going to stop by the restaurant to see if you wanted to have coffee," she admitted with a sigh. "But it looks like you already had some. I saw you in there, with Andie." She glanced at the ground somewhat sheepishly. "I didn't think I'd be a very welcome interruption. I was just trying to give you some privacy."

Pacey hesitated, furrowing his brow. "Well, I don't think that was really necessary, but…" He let his voice trail off into a vague response, but the shrug of his shoulder clearly indicated 'whatever'.

Tucking her hair behind hear ear to give her nervous hands something to do, Joey tried to smile. "So…she drove all the way down from Boston for a visit, huh?"

"Actually, she's here to stay with Amy," he explained. "Doug and Jack didn't want the whole ten days they were away to fall on Mrs. Ryan's shoulders without help--which is why I took her on Monday. Andie offered to come down and stay these last couple of days with her. But I had to give her a key to the beach house, so we just grabbed a quick cup of coffee to talk."

Even though he had just given her more information than she probably needed (or deserved) Joey couldn't hold back.

"About what?" Instantly, she cringed with embarrassment and regret. "Sorry," she murmured, cheeks warming as she cast her eyes down again. "You don't have to answer that."

"It's no big deal,' he replied. "Just the wedding mostly--Jack, Doug…and, um, Meg."

She glanced up to meet his eyes.

"She said she wanted to know," he explained on a sigh, lifting a shoulder to let it drop. He paused to clear his throat. "She said she was ready to hear about her."

Glancing away with a faint frown, Joey realized how incredibly difficult that had to have been, how terribly bittersweet it was for Andie to accept Pacey had this child in his life he loved so much, when she once so desperately wanted them to have one of their own. There was no doubt about it--Andie was a much bigger person than she was right about now. Not to mention braver.

"Well, is she going to be around for Thanksgiving this year?" she asked, feeling appropriately guilty now. "Because I hope she knows she's welcome at the B&B with everyone."

"Nah…you know that guy Jeff, her doctor friend? I guess she's spending it with him."

Joey nodded her head while searching his face for some reaction, perhaps even a sign, but there was nothing to see.

"And what about you?" she asked quietly.

He tilted his head. "What about me?"

"Are you going to be there?" She softened her voice, wanting to clearly convey her feelings on the matter. "Because I'd really like for you to be there."

"Well, yeah." He immediately glanced down at the ground. "I hoped to spend the day with my daughter, if I could."

Joey smiled sadly, realizing that effectively cancelled out any hopes that had to do with her.

"Of course," she assured him. "You know Bessie is expecting you at the table, just like always."

Although his expression softened a little and he managed a small smile, Joey was afraid nothing would ever be 'like always' again. The moment stretched out between them, but it seemed neither one was left with anything else to say.

"I should probably get back to the restaurant," he said finally, ducking his head to go.

As he brushed past, needing to head in that direction, the arm of his coat briefly grazed hers. But even that was nearly too much to bear. Joey's breath caught in her throat, her words released on an unexpected well of emotion.

"Meg misses you…so much. I can tell."

He hesitated there, so close yet so far away, and closed his eyes on a pained sigh. "Don't…"

"She looks for you every time someone comes through the door. She misses you being there with us every day." Joey realized it wasn't playing fair, but still she glanced up at him, tears swimming in her eyes as she struggled to admit the painful truth. "And so do I."

Shaking his head, he almost refused to hear, and he wouldn't meet her eyes. "And you think I don't, Jo? Is that it? Because you couldn't be more wrong." He lowered his mouth to her ear for only her to hear, and his husky whisper nearly tore through her heart. "All I do is miss you."

Then he walked away, once again leaving her standing alone on the sidewalk.

Glancing after him as she quickly swiped at her eye, Joey wondered how many times she had done the same thing after he laid his heart on the line, always trampling right over it in her panicked rush to get away and create some safe distance.

She only ever saw the wreckage she left behind in hindsight, but maybe it wasn't until that moment that Joey truly understood how it felt.





The day of the children's Halloween party at the Icehouse dawned crisp and sunny, the cool blue October sky reflected in the shimmering harbor, brightening the already brilliant hues of fall foliage. It was only the third or fourth year that Pacey had hosted the event, but it had grown in popularity and numbers, quickly turning into yet another Capeside tradition. It was also a way for him to give back to the community that had made his business such a success, hopefully ensuring that it always would.

Yet Joey knew his real reason for offering his restaurant up for this free party was very simple. Pacey was--and would probably always be--a bit of a kid at heart. And what kid didn't love Halloween?

Well, besides herself, that is. Frowning as she pulled up to park on the street outside the restaurant, she gazed out at the white balloon ghosts hovering by the front door decorated so festively in orange and black. Halloween had never been her favorite holiday as a kid. It was, in fact, a day she came to dread. And it obviously wasn't getting any less scary for her now, as an adult, since she had to go in there and face her greatest fear. Him.

She took her time once she got out of the car, smoothing down her black skirt before adjusting her silky brown cardigan on her shoulders. She hadn't bothered with a costume herself, but now wished she had. It might be nice to have something behind which she could hide.

Finally she unbuckled Meg from her car seat, bundled up warm and cozy in a black kitten costume, complete with a long tail and pointed ears. With the lightest touch of makeup, she even gave her a little black nose and whiskers, which somehow made the baby's blue eyes even more striking. Joey sighed. There was just no getting away from those eyes.

The restaurant employees were all dressed as ghostly pirates, some waiting to entertain the kids with a little good-natured jump-fright when they arrived through the door. But they immediately toned the spookiness when they saw it was Meg. Pausing while they gushed and cooed over her, Joey spotted Jack and Doug across the room and moved to join them.

Both were smiling, darkly tanned from their tropical honeymoon vacation in the islands, and seemed no worse for wear following the sour incident that marred their wedding reception. Since that was the last time she had seen either one of them, Joey was relieved to know they had already put it behind them.

Laughingly, they explained to her that upon their arrival home Amy declared she wanted to be a 'beautiful fairy witch' for Halloween. Apparently, there was only a brief moment of pursed lips and mildly dubious looks exchanged between the two before they agreed that was exactly what she should be.

Doug had really gotten into the spirit of things, refusing to settle on just any typical pre-packaged costume from a department store shelf. With Amy's wildly imaginative input, he submitted design to be hand-sewn by Evelyn Ryan. And, in her fashionable purple, green, orange and black beaded dress, glittery sheer wings, colorfully coordinated striped tights and a cascade of hot pink hair falling from her purple pointed hat, she was the lone standout in a sea of generic pastel Disney princesses.

Joey grinned to watch the little girl twirl about in her glittery shoes, happy and confident. She knew how much it would please Jen to know that her daughter was an original just like she had been. Only Amy was surrounded from infancy by people who loved her for who she was, unconditionally, and loved her enough to always celebrate that fact. And that would please Jen even more, for Joey had discovered this was an automatic yet undeniable fact of her being ever since Meg came into this world. Your best hope for your child's life is that it will somehow be better than your own.

Lost to her thoughts, she almost didn't notice that Pacey had finally appeared until Meg's smile beamed, her arms immediately reaching out for him.

"Dah!"

With undisguised adoration in his smile, he eased her out of Joey's arms into his own, pressing a soft kiss to her cheek. "Here she is…" His voice softened with something that almost sounded like relief, as if just holding the baby was some magical elixir that cured all his ails.

He then took note of the baby's kitten costume with a hint of quiet amusement in his expression, but didn't comment.

"Not very original, I know," Joey said quietly, her smile held back in tentative restraint.

After their last particularly emotionally wrenching encounter on the street, she was determined to try to make things a little easier on him from now on. As she watched him with Meg, however, noticing how he was so handsomely attired in a sleek black dinner jacket, beard stubble darkening his chin to give him that rather dangerous and sexy look, Joey realized nothing about this was going to be easy on her.

At that moment, Aidan happened by in his costume, fresh (and slimy) from Davy Jones' locker. Meg's eyes went wide, her rosebud lips parting in silent fear and apprehension, before she threw her arms around Pacey's neck, burrowing her face in to hide.

He chuckled softly but held her close for comfort, smoothing circles over her back. "Eh…guess I'm gonna have to make room for two of you in my life," he murmured, and pressed another kiss to the baby's head.

Joey had been watching Meg with a sympathetic smile, but hesitantly lifted her eyes to his, unsure of how she should take the comment. Still patting the baby's back, Pacey held her gaze without looking away, but their moment was interrupted by Jack.

"So where is your costume?" he asked with a joking scowl, coming up to take Pacey's shoulder in a playful clasp. "You make your staff dress up like clowns, yet you show up in a tailored suit?"

"Hey, this is my costume," Pacey explained with a half grin, shifting his hold on Meg. With her safely held aside, he smiled a little more broadly, curling back his top lip to reveal two very authentic-looking sharp white fangs.

Jack narrowed his eyes to laugh, peering closer to inspect them. "Yeah, I always thought you sucked."

Pacey smirked faintly. "You know, Jack, I'm glad we share a similar sense of humor and have that understanding."

"What understanding?"

"Of what's funny...and that I'll always be slightly funnier."

"Pacey?" Colleen appeared at that moment, dressed as a bar wench with a knotted noose dangling around her neck, "There's a call waiting for you in your office."

"I gotta take this," he sighed, moving to hand Meg back. 'I think it's my beer distributor. But we're gonna be serving the food soon. There's ghoul gruel, roasted ghosts, scurvy pirate pizza, hot bat wings and, oh--baked macaroni and cheese brains. She'll have some of that, right?"

"Um, yeah…I'm sure she will," Joey quickly responded, unable to even acknowledge the humor in the menu selections when she was still so flushed and flustered from being lost briefly in the blue of his eyes.

"Looking maybe!" Jack finally guffawed on his delayed comeback. Pacey only chuckled, patting him on the shoulder before he ducked away to disappear out back.

Doug came up to Joey then, eager to see and hold his niece. She only trailed behind as he carried Meg to the outside deck of the restaurant with the rest of the parents to watch the kids bob for apples or try to catch bites of the cinnamon cider donuts the wait staff dangled out for them on fishing rod lines.

She kept stealing glances over her shoulder, waiting for Pacey to reappear, but finally she couldn't wait any longer.

"Doug…" She leaned in to rest her hand on his arm. "I just need to run to the ladies' room. Are you all set with her?"

"Absolutely," he assured her with a grin. "Go ahead. We're good."

When Joey reached the hallway to the restrooms, however, she passed right by the ladies' room door, instead turning the corner at the end of the hall that led to Pacey's office. His door was open just a crack, so she knocked softly before stepping inside.

He was finishing up his call, standing behind the desk with the phone to his ear, and only arched his eyebrows slightly when he saw her there. Joey quietly closed the door behind her, needing just a moment of privacy with him.

"Okay, then…yep, if I change my mind, I will keep that in mind…Okay. Bye." Sounding slightly uncomfortable in his parting remarks, he then slid the phone away from his ear, holding it in his hand as he regarded her with uncertainty.

"Your beer distributor?" she asked casually, hoping to set him at ease that this wasn't going to be another confrontation.

"Actually…" he sighed, clearing his throat as he finally hung the phone up. "That was, um, Maddie Allen. She was looking to see if we're interested in any menu redesigns for next year."

Joey frowned faintly, suddenly feeling much less rational and mature than she did when she first walked in. Having seen her in action, she was sure that wasn't all that woman had designs on.

"And maybe mix a little business with pleasure?" she tried to joke, but a sharp undercurrent of hidden jealousy sliced through her words.

Pacey chuckled humorlessly, his eyes now on the stack of mail and invoices on his desk.

"Knowing her?" He shrugged a shoulder, scratching at the beard stubble on his chin before he flipped through a few of the envelopes. "Wouldn't doubt it."

While his response was casual, almost dismissive, the seemingly off-handed remark stung like a slap across the face. Joey pursed her lips into the thin impression of a smile, eyes darkening as she leveled her gaze on him.

"Was that meant to hurt me?" she asked.

Though he kept his eyes lowered, this time his stiff posture and clipped tone belied his attempt at indifference. "You asked. Just being honest."

Starting to wander the small room, Joey circled her way around the desk, circumventing the barrier he was trying to keep between them. If this is how he was going to play, she would make it a new game.

"But Andie suspected you were having an affair with her."

Pacey dropped the mail and pinched the bridge of his nose with an aggravated sigh before he finally met her eyes. "No, Andie suspected--correctly, I might add--that I slept with someone else." His softened his tone, but not the piercing directness of his gaze. "She just didn't know it was you."

Joey wandered closer, coming to the corner of his desk to pick up a small brass anchor paperweight and inspect it casually. "But you did once have an affair with her." She lifted her eyes back to him. "With Maddie?"

Pacey seemed briefly taken aback, unnerved by her sudden proximity, and was increasingly agitated in his response. "Your point?"

"I just seem to remember something about it, that's all. A vague recollection of…something. And I understand her husband was fairly well known around town, which must have made things difficult." Joey placed the paperweight back down on the desk; then slid over to lean her bottom against it, facing him. "So where would you two go?"

Although she maintained as much innocence and casual interest as she could, he wasn't easily fooled. He tried to take a step back but was prevented by his desk chair directly behind him, heel hitting the metal base.

His expression clouded, he shook his head on a dubious sigh, and there was a warning in his tone. "Joey…"

"Your old apartment?" she asked, ignoring it. "Your old boat?" She arched an eyebrow, but let her voice lower suggestively. "This office?"

Jaw clenched in tense restraint, Pacey only watched her in uneasy silence. Reaching out to graze her fingertips across the leather blotter, Joey refused to release his gaze.

"This desk?"

While his eyes still held a warning, she saw the flicker of desire hidden in that wary darkness. "You don't want to go there."

"But I'm already here," she murmured on a sigh, sliding her hands up the lapels of his jacket to encircle his neck.

Leaning up, she captured his mouth in a long, hot kiss, refusing to release him as she pressed her body so deliberately against his hips. He didn't respond immediately, but then his tentative tongue met hers in a slow, sensual slide. With a muted groan, he grasped her waist, bringing her in hard against him, deepening the kiss with more hunger and heat.

Tongues tangling so erotically, his hands began to roam, sliding up her back and then down to caress the curve of her backside. Joey pushed her fingers up into his short dark hair, her head tilting back as he dragged his lips away from her mouth to trail fiery kisses down her neck. Eagerly, he devoured; dipping his tongue into the slender hollow of her throat before teasing the pulse points in a slow, soft suck. She moaned, reveling in the sensations as she arched her head back even more, offering him an expanse of creamy skin. Passion steamed, then flared, and he attacked, sinking his teeth in to bite.

Feeling the tips of his sharp fangs nearly pierce the tender, sensitized flesh, an electric jolt went straight to the wet throb of her core, so startlingly and painfully erotic that Joey gasped, crying out as she nearly came on the spot.

Abruptly, Pacey broke away, dropping his hands to sides to take a step back in sudden retreat. Their chests rising and falling with rapid breaths, they only stared at each other in silence a long moment as Joey rubbed at the sore spot on her neck, her smoky eyes wide and dark.

He swallowed audibly, noticing the red marks he left behind. A mixture of regret and confusion flickered through the blue of his eyes. "I'm…I'm sorry," he mumbled, his voice hoarse. "I-"

But that was as far as he got before he lunged forward again to grab her back in his arms, capturing her mouth in an even more passionate kiss.

Joey sucked greedily on his probing tongue, sliding her hands up under his suit jacket to smooth caresses over his back, the muscles bunched tense and taut under the expensive fabric of his dress shirt. Muttering a quiet groan, his mouth traveled down her neck again, this time with more care, as his skilled hands glided up her body. He palmed her breast, cupping it as he bowed his head to close his lips around the nipple right through her bra and shirt. Teeth teasing the tight bud, his tongue flicked across the tip, while his hands gathered the material of her long black skirt to ease it up in clenched fists.

Moaning softly, Joey slid her hand down the front of his pants, smoothing over the hard length of his prominent erection now straining against the material. Her trembling fingers found his belt, but she had to bring both hands down to unbuckle it. Pacey broke away from his hungry kisses several times to allow her to drag his zipper down and tug his shirt out, and each time his eyes met hers, intense in a singular passion and need.

Joey's breath caught a little in her throat as she glanced down between them, smoothing her hands over his hard, flat stomach to see that line of dark wiry hair traveling down inside his open fly, disappearing into the waistband of his boxer briefs. When she slid her hands around to his waist, pushing down over the ripple of muscles to the curve of his hipbone to get his trousers off, Pacey stood still, just running the very tips of his fingers up and down her sides in the tingling thrill of a light caress.

Finally, she moved to ease his boxer briefs over his rigid erection, so stiff it bumped and brushed his stomach. When she wrapped her hand around the velvety-hard flesh in a slow stroke, he closed his eyes and shook his head.

"Jo…" he whispered huskily, leaning in. His warm, rasping breath on her neck caused shivers to race down her spine, but for a moment she feared he was about to tell her to stop.

Instead, he slid his hands around her waist and then down to palm the curves of her ass, moving under the fabric of her skirt as he lifted her up off the floor to sit her right on the center of his desk. Pushing the skirt up to her waist, he moved his body forward between her legs to ease her thighs apart. When he slipped his hand between, just the graze of his fingertips teasing her moist heat, it was to simply edge the silk of her panties aside. Supporting her on his desk, he slid in so smoothly, hands cupping her ass to pull her forward and sheath himself in her wet heat, filling her so deep that Joey's hot gasp was like the flick of a flame against his tongue.

Pacey bowed his head to bury it in the curve of her shoulder, breathing her in as his hips rolled into hers, taking her in a slow, possessive slide. Joey wrapped her legs around his waist, still wearing her black suede boots as her thighs tightened around his thrusts. She moaned as his hands grasped her hips, guiding her, burying himself deeper still.

His tongue pushed into her mouth, swallowing her soft moans as she shuddered and rocked against him, the power behind his thrusts pushing her back, toppling a pencil holder and his empty coffee mug, then sending files and papers spilling to the floor. Joey struggled to brace her feet on something, aching to lift her hips higher off the desk to meet his every stroke. Her long hair grazed the leather blotter as she arched her neck back, her hand slapping down to grab onto his shoulder as his thrusts grew faster, more urgent.

As he covered her neck in fevered kisses, Joey could feel his soft groans against her skin. One of his hands was tucked beneath her, cupped firmly around her bottom as he held her close, hips grinding against her body with every deep stroke. She was gasping for breath, struggling for balance as he filled her again and again, such sweet torture as that ache of tension started to build.

She uttered a soft cry, almost caught by surprise when she came only a second later, surrounding him with clenching muscles, her body squeezing his hard length to bathe it in her wet heat. Pacey gasped for air, for release, his body shuddering slightly as he continued his rapid thrusts, pushing so deep.

When she finally felt him come, pulsing so hotly inside her, her whisper against his lips held a soft plea.

"I love you, Pacey…"

But the words dissolved into a moan, captured in his kiss, and were all but erased on a sweep of his tongue to melt inside his husky groan.

Gradually, the fevered passion of his kisses softened and slowed, the thrust of his hips quietly shivering to a stop. He eased off, holding himself off the desk just enough to offer pressure but not weight, before he pulled out with a soft grunt of breath.

Propped on elbows, drained and weak, quivering with the aftershocks of her orgasm, Joey watched him and waited; her breath in her throat. But he barely met her eyes as he shook his head.

"Joey, I-"

Before he could finish, there was a loud knock on the closed office door. They both stilled, glancing warily at it before returning their gazes to each other.

"Pacey?"

Joey's eyes widened, clearly recognizing Colleen's voice out in the hall.

"Fuck," he muttered under his breath. Quickly, he hiked his suit trousers and boxer briefs back up over his hips, furiously trying to tuck his shirttails back in. "Yeah?" he called out in reply, trying to grab up some of the papers and envelopes littering the floor.

Joey scrambled to sit upright, sliding off the desk to land on her boot heels as she smoothed her bunched skirt back down, trying to straighten her twisted clothes. It suddenly occurred to her that there were probably about fifty young and impressionable children out there right now.

"Everyone is waiting to start serving the food."

"I'm coming," he almost snapped, muttering something else under his breath as he shook his head. He made two long strides to the door, grasping the knob before he glanced at her over his shoulder. One eyebrow arched as his gaze flicked over her. "You all set?"

Joey nodded, trying to will the hot flush away from her cheeks and chest. "Yeah."

Nodding once, he opened the door, but only partway, and then slipped out into the hall to join Colleen. He started straight towards the kitchen, immediately engaging her in a discussion about the serving procedures for the party as he led her away.

Left alone, Joey slumped back against the desk with a sigh, her legs still quivering and weak. She realized he was probably just being a gentleman, both shielding her from view and distracting any witnesses away from the scene, but it hurt to watch him walk away without even a backwards glance.

Tugging her sweater back up from where it slipped down her shoulder, Joey pushed her hair behind her ears and took a deep breath, trying to recover before she headed back out.

The party was now in full swing out on the restaurant deck, the 'Monster Mash' playing from the speakers under the roof eaves. As she went to join Jack and Doug, Meg bouncing so excitedly in his big arms along to the music, she cut across the dining room and spotted Pacey instructing some wait staff by the serving tables.

Their gazes caught and held just briefly, his expression never changing before he looked away to return to his conversation.

Joey realized then, while she may have gained just a few lovely and fleeting moments of physical proximity, she was no closer to where she really wanted to be.

Wiping down the stainless steel countertop, Pacey balled the rag in his fist and tossed it towards the trash barrel, missing by at least a foot. Sighing, he gripped onto the edge of the counter and bowed his head to close his eyes, using this brief moment alone to try to gain some control over all the warring emotions waging a wild battle inside.

At the sound of the kitchen door opening, he quickly straightened to stand, composing himself enough to look busy. But when he saw who it was he stilled, trapped there in the deep brown depths of her gaze.

"We're leaving now," she informed him quietly.

"Okay then," he mumbled, unable to come up with a better response.

Joey frowned, her expression darkening. "And that's all you have to say?"

He had to turn away, shrugging a shoulder. The heat of her still clung to him, the taste so sweet on his tongue. He had been helpless before her and now felt he had to harden himself even more to make up for that momentary crumbling of his defenses.

"What would you like me to say?"

"Some acknowledgment of what we just shared might be nice," she scoffed.

"Coming from you,' he murmured under his breath, "that's funny."

In the quiet of the deserted kitchen, however, she heard him clearly. "And what is that supposed to mean?" Those dark eyes flashed with anger and indignation. "Look, if you want to keep punishing me, that's fine," she said with a scowl. "Just be honest about how you feel."

"I don't want to punish you, Joey," he sighed, and then finally met her eyes with a level gaze. "And when have I ever not been honest about how I feel?"

"Right now would be a good example," she shot back, hands in motion. "Don't act like I just took advantage of you or something, Pacey."

He only glanced away, chewing on the inside of his lower lip. Maybe, in a way, she had taken advantage of him. But she probably wasn't fully aware of the fact his heart could never deny her anything--that it couldn't deny itself, not when she had always been what it wanted most.

"And while we're on the topic of honesty…"

"Should we really be discussing things with which you have such little familiarity?" he murmured as drolly as possible, determined not to let himself succumb again.

Joey narrowed her eyes but managed to keep her fury in check. Folding arms across her chest--most likely to keep from punching him--she regarded him a long moment. "I've been wondering what happened to all those heartfelt claims," she said finally. "No ultimatums here, how you wouldn't just walk away if you didn't like my choices…how you would wait for me to be ready?"

He bristled, irritated by both her insinuation and the reminders of his own displays of emotional vulnerability. "Pointing out the fact that we've been doing the exact same thing for…oh, over an entire decade of our lives now," he said, his voice rising to almost a shout, "isn't really helping!"

"You always say it's okay for me to take my own time," Joey quickly countered, "but maybe what you really meant is that it's okay as long as it happens somewhere within your timetable."

"My timetable?" Pacey eyebrows arched, his aggravation fueled by incredulity. "Didja miss the last part there?" he said, scowling. Instead of basking in the afterglow, she was the only woman in the world who could manage to get him so agitated and angry this soon after sex. But maybe that had something to do with the fact she was also the only woman in the world who always left him wanting more. And being in a perpetual state of want wasn't really doing much to help his mood right now. "Because waiting over ten years of my life wasn't really meant to be part of a plan!"

"And I'm sure you were just pining away all that time," she replied with a dubious smirk, her volume increasing right along with his. "You know, in between sleeping with my college roommate and the affairs with married women--oh and the fact you got married yourself!"

"Is that what pisses you off, Jo?" He lifted his hands to let them drop. "That I didn't just sit around and wait? Because when you got on that plane to leave for LA, to go be with Dawson, I gotta say…I didn't really see the point anymore."

Although they had managed to escalate it to a shouting match, at this Joey seemed to shrink back down. Casting her eyes to the floor, she lowered her voice.

"The reasons I left actually had very little to do with him."

His response was so thick with sarcasm he could barely manage to spit it out. "Oh, well, gee, that makes me feel a whole lot better."

She still regarded him darkly, but spoke with less anger in her voice. "Look, I can admit I was never ready before, and that it took me a very long time to get here. A part of me has been afraid lately that maybe it took too long, and we'd missed our real chance...that maybe we were only doing it for Meg," she admitted. "But I can tell you right now, Pacey, the reasons I want to be with you are the same as they have always been my whole life. You accuse me of always letting the past come between us, of letting old fears and doubts get in the way, and maybe I have been guilty of doing that." Shaking her head, she glanced away. "But I guess this is a perfect example of why our timing sucks so much."

Questioning, though still wary, Pacey only gave her an uncertain frown.

"Because right now, Pacey," she explained with a touch of that old Potter sarcasm, "in case you haven't noticed, you're the one who is letting it stand in our way."

At that moment, they both heard the sounds of some of his wait staff approaching, just outside the kitchen door, so she moved to leave with one last parting shot.

"You're the only one."




Shoving some folded clothes into the canvas tote bag on the kitchen chair, Joey stole another glance at the clock above the stove. Then she turned towards the window, noticing the clouds darkening the sky to an almost eerie shade of pinkish-gray, the blustery wind whipping those last clinging leaves right off the trees. Blowing out an irritated sigh, she wondered just what the hell was taking Pacey so long.

Tensions were now at an all-time high. They'd only seen each other twice since the incident in his office, yesterday when he came to pick up Meg in the morning and then again when he dropped her off that night, but it was obvious some battle lines had been drawn. Even the most accidental brushing of arms felt like the knifing jolt of an electric shock, and every meeting of eyes stung with a sharp burn.

She tried talking, she tried sex. She even told him she loved him. Apparently none of it had made any difference, and now Joey didn't know what else to do. Or maybe too much damage had already been done.

Still, that was no excuse for holding up her whole day, and she grabbed the phone to punch out the number to his cell.

"Hullo?"

"Pacey?" she snapped, already bothered.

"Yeah?"

She rolled her eyes, almost able to hear the slam of that wall coming down the moment he realized it was her. But she had no time or tolerance for this right now.

"Where are you?" she demanded to know. "Are you on your way?"

"On my way where?"

Joey felt ready to explode. "Here!"

"What?" His voice went up sharply. "It's Tuesday. I thought Bessie was watching her."

"No, she's not going to be around today," Joey explained, still irritated. "She's a parent chaperone on some school field trip with Alexander's class. I thought I told you that."

"Damn," he muttered, sounding distracted on the other end of the line. "I have an appointment to meet with my restaurant supplier up in Bridgewater."

Joey's shoulders slumped. "I thought that was tomorrow."

"No, it's today."

"Great…just great." Closing her eyes, she pressed the heel of her palm to her brow, trying to think. "I have a meeting at eleven that I cannot miss, and my train is leaving in fifteen minutes…"

"I'll be there in five," he said with a sigh. And, before she could even question him on it, he promptly hung up.

Needles to say, Joey was even more aggravated with him by the time he walked into the kitchen. She barely met his eyes as she finished packing Meg's bag, stuffing it full of bottles and snacks and more diapers.

"Look, I'm just going to take her to Boston with me," she said, zippering the bag shut without even glancing up. "I can get a day pass to place her in the campus day care."

Straightening to stand, she went to sling the bag over her shoulder.

"No, uh-uh…that's not happening." Pacey let out a small but extremely sarcastic laugh as he reached out to grab the bag right away. "Putting her through the pain and trauma of that flu shot last week, only to then throw her in there? We might as well drop her into a pediatric Petri dish full of diseases and just let the various bacterium and viral microbes baby sit her for the day. She can take her noontime nap with the plague and-"

"All right, all right…" Joey cut him off with a faint scowl. "You've made your point. Fine--then you think of a better idea."

"Well, obviously, I'm going to have to take her with me."

Looping the bag around his shoulder, he went over to Meg. During their conversation, the baby had managed to pull herself up to standing on the edge of the couch. It was a new milestone reached just in the past week, and she stood there beaming in triumphant yet wobbly delight.

"Look at you!" Pacey chuckled, softening his tone with amusement and affection. He reached down to lift her. "Here we go, big girl…all the way up."

Joey propped her hands on her hips, watching them. "I thought you had an appointment."

"I do." He shrugged his shoulder and sighed. "She'll have to come along for the ride." Smiling at Meg now sitting in his arm, he hiked her up for a kiss. "Won't ya, babe? Maybe you can help Daddy negotiate some better prices." He paused by the kitchen door. "She has a bottle in here?"

"Yes." Joey softened some of her antagonism, realizing that she couldn't exactly be angry with him for helping her out. "And I'm planning on taking the 3:00 train back. I only have to stay for the meeting. So I'll be home by 5:30."

He was already in the front hall getting the baby's fleece coat. "We'll be here."

"Fine," she muttered to the sound of the front door. "See ya."

Frowning sullenly once she was standing there alone, she glanced out the window, the back deck now spotted with wet raindrops. Grabbing her trench coat and scarf from the hallway, she headed out the door herself.

She was so intent on her tasks for the day at work, and so intent in not letting her thoughts of Pacey distract her from them, that Joey was surprised when she stepped out of the conference room after her staff meeting and saw torrential sheets of rain and sleet slamming down on the campus courtyard outside. She had expected only a typical autumn rain shower--dreary, wet and cold but passing within hours.

One of the secretaries in the publications department insisted Joey take the spare umbrella she kept at her desk. But, by the time she was struggling her way up the city street towards South Station, the wind whipping in off Boston Harbor flipped it completely inside out, snapping the metal spokes like twigs.

Her train was delayed, so she wandered over to join a group standing near one of the TV screens in the arched lobby. Swiping the damp hair out of her eyes, she recognized the local Boston weatherman, usually known for his comic sense of humor. So she was concerned to see him looking so grim. That concern made the slow shift over to dread as she listened to some of his words.

Winds gusting to almost 50 miles an hour…rain and sleet…dangers of an ice storm as temperatures drop…reports of 60 foot seas…the storm surge moving across the radar, expected to reach Cape Cod and the Islands just in time for high tide this evening.

"Damn, sounds just like that no name storm back in 1991," a man next to her commented absently.

Even though she was too young to really remember much about it, the storm was legendary in the destruction it left behind and the lives it took--most especially in the smaller coastal towns and across the Cape. Her stomach clenched in nervous worry and Joey quickly ducked away, finding a quiet corner in the old station to dial Pacey's cell phone number.

It went directly to his voice mail, so she quickly left a message for him to call her immediately, hearing the station announcer calling out the boarding of her train.

Despite the hour and a half ride home, one Joey spent with the phone clutched in her hand, Pacey didn't return the call. She tried him once again when they were approaching the Capeside station, irritated to think he might be letting her worry simply because he was being insolent or stubborn and avoiding her, but this time it rang and rang without answer. Voice mail didn't even pick up.

When she stepped off the train platform in Capeside, it was already pitch black, the freezing rain coming in at a right angle off the water. She ran to her car, her leather boots not providing much traction on the sleet-slippery pavement, and blew out a heavy sigh once she was sitting behind the wheel.

The driving was exceedingly slow, her windshield wipers having a hard time keeping up. In her periphery, Joey could see the trees bent at an unnatural angle. Broken branches littered the street along the way so she had to carefully maneuver around them. Her focus was just on getting home, where she prayed Pacey and Meg would already be waiting for her.

Coming around the corner by the far end of the beach, Joey could see the battering, explosive spray from the waves as they hammered the retaining sea wall. Suddenly, right in front of her, one came hurtling over, a raging mountain of dark water crashing into the street to spill across the road. Joey gasped, giving in to the impulse to duck, but had no choice but to drive right through it. She was grateful when her engine didn't drown and stall. Noting the height and length the sea would have to reach to pass that wall, she wondered if there was any beach left at all.

Her stomach sank when she finally eased into the driveway and saw no sign of Pacey's truck. Ducking her head to make the dash to the front door, she burst inside, slamming it shut against the force of the storm behind her.

All the windows were rattling, wind moaning and beams creaking as she hurried through the dark house, rushing into the kitchen to immediately check her messages on the machine. But the red light wasn't flashing. There wasn't anything waiting for her there.

Picking up the phone without even bothering to shed her wet coat, she called his cell yet again. When she still couldn't get through, she tried the Icehouse. As it turned out, Aidan was the only one left there. No one had seen Pacey or talked to him all day. It was Bodie who had to make the executive decision to close the kitchen up early, letting everyone get home safely before the worst of it hit.

Hands beginning to tremble, Joey then dialed the B&B. Bodie wasn't there yet. Apparently he told Bessie he was going to stop to pick up sandbags, nervous about the creek's potential to flood with high tide so close.

"Yeah, and he's been trying to get in touch with Pacey for hours," Bessie explained. "I thought he had Meg today, but Bodie claims he had a meeting up in Bridgewater. Where is he?"

Her head pounding painfully along with her heart, Joey felt the first pinpricks of frightened tears sting her eyes, and she pursed her lips tight.

"He did have a meeting, but I don't know where he is now," she admitted, the wave of emotion watering down her voice, already trembling with fear. "And he does have Meg."

"What?" Bessie confusion was tinged with some apprehension. "What do you mean?"

"I can't get in touch with him," Joey explained, swallowing thickly to try to hold it together, hearing the wind pick up outside. "He was going to that meeting and then supposed to come right home. He knew I was on the five-thirty train. He said he would be here. But now he's not here, and he's not answering his phone. And he took-" Her voice broke, a few tears leaking through. "He had to take Meg with him because I had that stupid staff meeting. I swear, Bessie, if anything-"

"Okay, well…let's not get ahead of ourselves here," her sister immediately cut her off, trying to instill calm. "There are a lot of reasons why he might not be there yet. Like I said, I was talking to Bodie on his cell just before you called and it's taking him this long just to get back from the hardware store downtown. It's slow-going out there with the storm, and a lot of roads are closed. It's been all over the news…that's why we ended up canceling the field trip last minute today. So who knows? Maybe Pacey even decided to wait out the worst of it before coming back."

Joey closed her eyes, raking fingers across her damp strings of hair. If she hadn't been in such a rush, so focused on getting to work, too busy being so angry at Pacey this morning, it might have dawned on her to call Bessie to see if the field trip was delayed due to rain.

"So why hasn't he called to let me know that?" she asked. "And why isn't he answering his phone right now?"

"I don't know, Joey. But I'll have Bodie try him, too, just as soon as he gets here. In the meantime, have you talked to Doug or Jack?"

Joey felt a small rise of hope. Pacey went over there to visit so often on his days with Meg--why didn't she think of that? Telling Bessie she was going to do that right now, she hung up and dialed the beach house.

Jack answered, sounding slightly out of breath.

"Jack?" She frowned. "It's Joey. Is everything okay?"

"Um, yeah, we're okay right now," he replied with a wry laugh. "Who knows how it's going to be here in an about an hour when the tide comes in, but we're not hanging around to find out. We're packing up and heading in town to Grams for a little campout on her floor for the night."

"Oh." She felt her hope start to dim. "So Pacey's not there with you?"

"Pacey? No. Is he supposed to be? I haven't talked to him all day."

Joey let out another unsteady sigh. "He hasn't come home yet from a meeting he had up in Bridgewater. And I can't get through to him on his cell. He has Meg with him so…I'm just starting to get a little worried here," she admitted. "Actually, more like a lot worried."

"Nah, I'm sure they're fine," Jack said. "Of course, Doug was here all day and not me, but he just got called into the station, what with all the storm damage and road closings. But I'll give him a call. As soon as I can get it touch with him, I'll ask if he's had any word. The worst of the storm hasn't even really hit yet, so I wouldn't worry. I'm sure Pacey will be walking through the door any minute."

After hanging up with Jack, Joey called his parent's house and then Gretchen, reaching for any other possibilities. Maybe Pacey decided he couldn't bring Meg along to his meeting and called his mother or sister for babysitting help. But Pacey's parents hadn't heard from him all day. Gretchen had stayed home from work nursing a nasty head cold, but she hadn't talked to anyone either. They all assured Joey, however, there must be some good explanation. Joey didn't want to admit she was running out of explanations and they were her last resort.

With no one left to call, she walked away to the kitchen windows, gazing out at the wind and driving rain gusts, imagining him out there on the road somewhere, heading back.

In the dark recesses of her mind, a faint memory loomed ominously in the shadows--another road, another night, another storm. The shattering of glass and hideous whine of twisting metal, a tree branch in her back seat, steam rising from the hood, slamming into a tree versus careening down into the cold black waters of the bay…

Would this be the ultimate punishment for her sins? She made so many mistakes and hurt so many people. What would hurt her more than losing everything she loved-to have it all taken away, all at once?

"Come back," she whispered to the darkness. "Please…come back to me."

The phone rang then, the shrill sound cutting through the quiet house to make her nerves jump. Relief rushed in, and she practically dived for the phone. Surely Bodie or Doug or Jack must have gotten through and this was Pacey to tell her he was on his way.

But it wasn't Pacey. It was only Roisin, her neighbor down the street, calling to check in and make sure she was okay. They talked just briefly before Joey could get off the phone, wanting to keep the line open in case he was trying to get through.

Now that she'd been forced to remember the night of her accident, a memory successfully repressed up until now, all she could recall was that feeling of utter helplessness as she spun so completely out of control, sliding off the road, unable to do anything to save herself or her unborn child. In that moment, all doubt and confusion was gone, one split second of clarity where she knew the only thing worth holding onto in life was this one love inside her before the blackness of impact hit.

Joey turned on the local station, watching for any reports of road conditions or power outages, even staring intently at the screen as some on-location cable news reporters braved the elements along highway shoulders and streets with beach retaining walls, thinking she might see the truck out there, somewhere on the road. But the high drama the reporters were assigning to their words, speaking only of gloom and doom and danger to come, only made her feel worse.

An hour passed, and then another. Bessie called back and so did Jack. John Witter phoned and then even Gretchen checked in again, coughing and sneezing from her sickbed. But all of them were calling to ask if she'd heard from Pacey yet--not to tell her that they had. His father even said Doug had several officers on the lookout, which again didn't do much to help Joey feel better. It didn't mean they were going to be found, or going to come home. It only meant that now everyone was starting to get as worried as she was.

Bessie offered to come over and wait with her, concerned that she was left to worry there all alone. But the storm was only getting worse and Joey had no intention of putting any more of her loved ones out on the streets in this mess.

It was already her fault that Pacey and Meg were out there, all alone.

Shivering as she hung up the phone, Joey realized she was still in her wet coat and rain-dampened work clothes. She wandered upstairs to change, but as she grimly peeled off her black tights and slim wool skirt, she grew more hurried in her actions, hastily pulling on jeans and a warm fleece. Suddenly, she had every intention of going out there on her own to brave the elements, to find them and bring them home.

But all that determination and bravery deserted her as soon as she stepped out of her room and glanced into Meg's, spotting the quilt-covered crib so empty and quiet in its corner. Gripping the stair rail banister, her bottom lip trembled violently, recalling her last image of the sweet-faced baby girl gazing back at her, one little soft hand resting on Pacey's broad shoulder.

Joey never even gave her a kiss goodbye.

Walking across the flowered rug, the tree branches bent in the wind creating weirdly-shaped shadows on the painted walls, Joey paused at the edge of the crib's quilted bumper. Reaching down inside, she lifted out the fluffy stuffed bunny rabbit, the very one that had watched over her all those weeks in the NICU. Meg slept with it every night since.

It was already past her bedtime now. What if she was scared and cold and tired and looking for it?

Pressing the furry toy to her face, Joey squeezed her eyes shut, hot tears leaking out. She eventually managed to compose herself, realizing she was doing no one any good, and went to place the bunny back in the crib. Suddenly, in her periphery, she caught a beam of light move across the wall of the baby's room. Stepping over to the window, Joey peered down at the street and then craned her neck to see the driveway. It was just in time to see the headlights of Pacey's truck pull up to the bumper of her car.

Her heart leapt to her throat and she rushed away from the window to fly down the stairs. The door blew open on the wind and sleeting rain just as she reached the front hall. And then Pacey appeared through it, Meg held close and safe in his arms.

"You're here…" Joey breathed out a sigh of relief so overwhelming that her legs nearly buckled beneath her.

Pacey had the baby protected, covered in his coat, so his own head and shoulders were soaked. Despite the driving force of the rain and roar of the wind, however, when he peeled it away from her little face Joey saw Meg was fast asleep.

"I've been calling for hours!"

He blew out a weary sigh, but kept his voice low. "I lost my cell phone. There was a huge tree branch that fell, the road got blocked-and it just happened to be the only road left open out of Bridgewater with all the flooding. All the cars were gonna get stranded there, so me and this other guy got out to move it to the side of the road. That must have taken us a good forty-five minutes, and then I had to help push his car out of the mud…" He shrugged, easing the baby over to her as gently as he could, and Joey finally noticed his dirt-soaked pants. "My phone must have fallen out of my coat sometime during all of that."

"She's wet," Joey blurted out on a frown, feeling the bloated diaper leak right in her hand.

"Yeah, well, I…"

"No, it's okay." Joey cut off his attempt at a reply with a shake of her head, realizing nothing really mattered here except the fact they were home safe. She hadn't meant it as any kind of accusation. "Just let me go change her."

She turned, gazing down at the sleeping infant as she carried her upstairs. She laid her down on her changing table, turning on the nightlight, but even as she removed her clothes from her floppy limbs and replaced her soiled diaper with a fresh one, Meg barely stirred, only blinking her eyes open once just to close them again with a sleepy sigh.

Joey smiled in faint amusement, but her eyes unexpectedly filled. Bowing her head, she buried her face in the sweet folds of the baby's neck to breathe her in, feeling her soft breath on her cheek as her tears leaked out onto powdery soft skin.

After fitting her little body into a pair of footed pajamas, she transferred the baby right into her crib, watching her roll over to sling an arm across her bunny as she drifted into dreams.

When she came back downstairs, even though several minutes had passed, Pacey was still standing right where she left him in the front hall, looking drenched and contrite--very much like a big puppy dog who just tracked mud through the house.

" Look…" he sighed before rushing to explain, "I know…I'm sorry, okay? I should've realized how long it would take me to get back with the weather, I should have called to let you know we were on the way before I stupidly lost my phone and I should have made sure she was changed and fed before letting her fall asleep like that, but-"

"It's okay." Joey lifted a shoulder to let it drop as she rubbed her arms. "Most nights she ends up wearing more of her dinner than goes into her stomach, so I think she'll be fine. One missed meal is not the end of the world." She offered a small smile. "Besides, she went right to sleep up there."

He relaxed slightly, nodding his head in acknowledgment.

"But I guess that means you didn't eat either," she said, watching his face. "It's almost nine. You must be hungry."

He glanced at the door, the wind still raging behind it. "I can grab something at home."

"I take it you came in via Atlantic Avenue?" Joey arched an eyebrow. "Because the beachfront road is washed out from here into town, and the tide is only coming in. My neighbor tells me they might have evacuated some of the houses on Nauset Point and the waterfront businesses in Dock Square. Everyone closed up shop from Grady's Wharf to Brown's Wharf."

He smirked, sighing once again as he ran his hand over his damp hair. "Great…"

"You might as well just wait it out, Pacey," she suggested in a softer voice, hoping she didn't make him so uncomfortable that he'd rather risk a hurricane flood warning than stay. "It would be crazy to try to get home right now. And I just did a big grocery shop yesterday. There's plenty here."

The corner of his mouth twitched as he seemed to consider it.

"I think I even have some clothes of yours," she rushed to add, moving towards the laundry room as she called back over her shoulder. "You can change into something dry."

Quickly she dug through a pile of folded clothes to locate a pair of his sweatpants and a t-shirt she had so recently claimed as her own. Her stomach, recovered from its bout of dread and fear, now seemed to swarm with nervous butterflies, which was silly, really. It wasn't like this was a date. He was simply stuck here with her.

She emerged into the kitchen to hand him the clothes with a smile, noticing he already left his rain and mud soaked boots out on the mat in the front hall. Directing him to some towels in the downstairs bathroom, Joey gazed after him a moment before hurrying to check what she had on hand to make a meal--but one that didn't involve oatmeal, Zwieback toast, Cheerios, applesauce, bananas, peas or mashed sweet potatoes was going to be tricky. She was still poking around in the refrigerator when he finally returned.

"I have some fresh pasta from Gianelli's," she said. Glancing over, she had to hesitate.

Seeing him there in the kitchen in bare feet, well-worn jeans that fit a little too well, his faded t-shirt stretched across his broad shoulders and his short, dark hair still standing up in damp spikes, she felt a rush of tenderness and longing so great it nearly stole her breath away.

Pacey didn't seem to notice, only glancing around before he grabbed a couple of ripe tomatoes sitting out in basket on the counter. "Okay," he agreed. "And I think I can probably make a sauce here." He started to open and close the cabinets, murmuring to himself. "Or something like it, anyway."

Joey placed the package of fresh pasta on the counter but paused to frown, pointing past his head.

"Well, there's some right there on the shelf, in that jar."

Pacey closed the cabinet door with an exaggerated sigh. "I'm going to pretend you didn't just say that." He glanced over then to meet her eyes with only half a teasing smile, but it warmed Joey nearly all the way through.

"To be honest, I'm kind of hungry myself," she said as she filled the pasta pot with water. Suddenly nervous to be alone with him like this, she couldn't resist the urge to ramble. "I haven't eaten since my bagel at noon. I was starving all the way home on the train, too, but when I got here…well, suffice to say food became the last thing on my mind."

She hadn't meant to touch upon that still-sore subject, and regretted it the moment she heard him draw in a sharp breath.

"I'm sorry again," he said, his attention on the tomatoes he was chopping but sincere in his apology. "I should've called…I would've called, had I not lost my phone. I only noticed it was gone after I was back on the highway, but after I saw how that guy got stuck, I didn't really want to chance getting off onto any other side streets or make an attempt to find a payphone-not with the reports of flooding. Unfortunately, parts of the highway were flooded, too, so traffic was inching along at about fifteen miles an hour. We were stuck in that for over an hour. And by the time we pulled off into Capeside, I just wanted to get her home."

"I understand," Joey assured him. "I would've probably done the same thing, and I-"

She was interrupted by the ring of the phone. Smiling at him almost shyly as she had to edge past, she wiped her hands on her jeans and went to pick it up. It was her sister Bessie again.

"Hey, Bess. Yeah, they're here, finally," she assured her, meeting his eyes with another smile when Pacey glanced over. "Yeah, yeah…everyone's fine. Crisis averted." Turning slightly away from him, she lowered her voice to speak more discreetly. "And Bess, listen, um, will you call Jack for me, and tell him to let Doug know. Oh, and Gretchen. And the Witters…and Aidan at the Icehouse? Yeah, okay. Thanks. Talk to you tomorrow."

She returned to check the heat on the burner as casually as possible, but Pacey glanced over again with some amusement in his voice.

"You were really worried."

"About Meg?" Joey peeked in the pot to see if the water was boiling yet--anything to avoid his gaze. "Yes, I was. Very."

"But not about me?"

She lifted her chin. "Not so much, no."

Grinning faintly, he returned to the preparations for his sauce. "Yeah, I didn't think so."

Once he somehow worked his magic and came up with something delicious out of her sparse kitchen offerings, they sat down together at the kitchen table. Joey had just pulled her chair in to get settled in front of her dish when the room--and whole house--went dark.

"Eh, guess we should have expected this," Pacey sighed, glancing around.

"I have candles." Joey pushed her chair back out, maneuvering carefully around the kitchen with only the illumination provided by whatever weak moonlight made it through the storm cover.

Reaching on top of the refrigerator, she found the two fat ivory pillar candles she used out on the deck on summer evenings. Digging matches out of a drawer, she lit them and brought them to the table. Pacey had moved to stand as well, and as she took her seat she was mildly surprised to see a wineglass of merlot appear in front of her.

"It compliments the meal," he explained with a tilt of his head, the candlelight shadowing his faint grin. "And, ah, I figured--after the evening you had--you could probably use it."

She smiled slowly. "Thanks."

Sitting there, enjoying this meal with him in an unexpectedly companionable quiet, with the storm still raging outside and only candles to see by, it occurred to Joey how they seemed able to take all the major catastrophes in stride. Yet it was always the smaller, more emotional hurdles that were so difficult to clear.

"You know," she said, taking a sip of her wine before placing it down, "with all these terrible thoughts going through my mind earlier, out of nowhere I had this sudden, vivid recollection of my own car accident…the one when I was pregnant with her? I think it was the first time I really remembered it."

Pacey paused in his chewing and his expression softened with concern, but he only waited for her to continue.

"I had so many things going on back them, and it all seemed so complicated. Hopeless even. But in that moment, when I lost control of the wheel and I thought something really bad was going to happen, I remembered it was like some fierce, primal instinct kicked in. I don't know what it's like for other women, and I can't even presume to know…but in that moment, all I could think about was protecting this child inside me. I knew then I was always meant to have her, and always wanted her, that she was mine--even if I doubted myself."

"But you're a great mother," he offered quietly.

Joey smiled with some gratitude, twirling the stem of the wineglass to watch the candlelight reflect off it. Sitting here with him like this, hunkering down to weather the storm, seemingly cut off from civilization, it was easy to imagine they were the only two people in the world.

When things got bad in the past, too painful or too complicated, she used to wish she could turn them into this perfect, untouched fantasy, imagining they could somehow have a happy life together if only it was apart from everything and everyone else. But what she and Pacey had was much too real to ever contain in the safe bubble of an imagined dream, and it touched every part of her waking life. Eventually, however, Joey grew up enough to realize that sometimes it's the most imperfect things of all that can bring life's greatest happiness--as long as you're brave enough to look there.

As long as you're not afraid to let yourself see what has always been right there in front of you.

"Well, any mother just wants what's best for her child," she acknowledged. "But I also think the child helps you to see what's best for yourself." She softened her voice. "Though, in a way, I've always known. Maybe I wasn't always ready or grown up enough to understand it, or to realize I didn't have to be scared of it. But I knew." She glanced up him. "That's something Jen and I talked about before she died."

He looked thoughtful a moment, and glanced down at the table, almost as if he wasn't sure he should say it. "You, um…you once told me she wanted you to make her a promise."

Joey nodded her head, eyes watering just slightly at the memory. "I admitted to her that I kept running away from what was in my heart…that I'd been doing it for years," she said softly. "So, to stop running--that's what Jen asked me to promise. It's the promise I didn't keep after she died, when I went away to California."

Pacey slowly lifted his gaze to watch her face.

"But lately, I'd been feeling like I had that second chance to make good on my promise--I think because I was finally ready to make the same promise to myself. But you didn't know the whole truth, Pacey…and I worried that meant there was this cloud hanging over our potential for happiness. And never once, under the circumstances of this past year, did I feel like I was deserving of it. I also worried that you might someday decide that it hadn't been worth all the waiting, and all that pain we caused everyone…that we cost ourselves." She paused to quickly rub at the corner of her eye. "And, just so you know, Dawson isn't even close to being an issue here. It's not the past that scares me anymore, Pacey. It's very much the present. I'm afraid that.…"

She paused to purse her lips. Now that she'd come this far, revealing almost everything, she didn't want to fall apart like some emotional wreck.

"What?" he prompted gently, leaning forward just slightly in his seat.

Joey met his gaze, unsure of whether she could make him understand. "I'm afraid that, after everything, you look at me now and you only see the mother of your child. And so that's the person you have feelings for."

"Well, that may be a part of who you are now…" He shook his head. "But I look at you and just see you, Jo. I always have."

She managed a faint, watery smile as she gazed down into her wine. And to think, that's what used to scare her most of all--the fact he saw right inside her, into all those parts of herself she tried to hide. Joey supposed it was funny how things can change once you grow up.

Although the rain and wind seemed to pick up again outside, wailing through the trees and rattling windowpanes, the power instantly came back on. Feeling a bit too exposed in the sudden glare, she quickly ducked her head, smoothing her hands across her damp cheeks.

"And let there be light…" Pacey chuckled softly, sitting back in his seat. He smiled at her more kindly than he had in a very long time. "By the way, I happen to think it's okay to be afraid of some things, which is why I should probably just crash here on the couch." Glancing at her, he inclined his head towards it. "I don't really feel too good about leaving you two alone--not with these random power outages and the tide still coming in down the street."

Feeling more composed, she nodded her head. "Okay, yeah…thanks."

Finishing up their meals, they both moved to clear the dishes. Joey, however was hit with an unexpected wave of exhaustion, both drained emotionally and calmed by an overwhelming sense of relief to know he was here. She paused, trying to cover a yawn, but he caught her.

"Sorry." Drawing her hand away from her mouth, she smirked somewhat sheepishly. "I'm really tired. I think I'm just going to deal with the rest of this mess in the morning."

"And does that include me?" Pacey rinsed her wineglass out to set it aside; then met her eyes.

Narrowing her gaze, she matched his slow smile with one of her own. "Maybe."

He ducked his head with a faint grin, leaving it at that.

Pushing away from the counter, she shrugged a shoulder. "So, um, you know where all the pillows and blankets are." She hesitated only a second before she moved to leave, content for now with where they were. "I guess I'll just say goodnight."

"Jo?"

She paused in the kitchen doorway to glance back.

He furrowed his brow and cleared his throat, turning off the sink to lean against the kitchen counter. "Despite everything?" he said, glancing down at the floor. "No matter how close or far away we were; no matter what words were said in anger or what we might have been going through at the time, all the things we've done or didn't do…I gotta say I can't remember a time, a day, not a single moment throughout all these years where I didn't still love you. Which leads me to believe there probably wasn't one."

He hesitated there, and glanced up to meet her eyes.

"So, yeah, I guess you were right the other day, and I have let the past get in my way. But that's only because, for a long time in my life…for too long, perhaps…I was operating under the assumption that the best of it might already be behind me."

Her eyes watered again. "Do you feel that way now?" she asked softly, waiting.

"Now?" His expression softened, and the familiar warmth returned to the blue of his eyes. "Not so much…no." His grin curved just a little as he held her gaze. "G'night, Jo."

Nodding her head once on her smile, not quite trusting her voice at the moment, she walked away to head upstairs.

Changing from her jeans into a pair of flannel pajama pants, Joey paused at her bedroom windows to gaze out at the storm surging across the wide expanse of ocean outside. It looked so rough and turbulent and dark, but the awesome power of it was somehow exhilarating too. She never thought it was possible to feel this calm and sure, thrown right into the middle of it.

She climbed under the covers, tugging up her quilt before reaching over to switch off her bedside lamp. She was smiling faintly as she nested her head into the downy pillow to pull the comforter up to her chin, happy and content to know that Pacey and Meg were both under this same roof, warm and safe and dry.

He was here, and that was all that mattered. The past was the past, but the future still remained a possibility--a wonderful, great big possibility. They would take their time and care with this from now on. And, just like Meg would soon be taking those first baby steps, Joey knew Pacey would always be there to catch her if she should fall.

As tired as she was, however, she soon rolled over to let the covers fall away, eyes wide open and feeling restless as she gazed up at the ceiling. But it wasn't any worries and concerns playing on her mind tonight. Rather, she was reminded a little of what it felt like to be a kid going to bed on Christmas Eve. Finally giving up, she eased the covers away from her legs, slipping out of bed and padding downstairs as quietly as possible.

The lights in the kitchen were off, and Pacey was already on the big couch. In the shadowy illumination provided by the windows, she could see he was still awake too. Lying there shirtless, blanket at his waist, with one arm bent behind his head and the other hand resting on his lean stomach, he was only gazing out at the rain hitting the panes.

Without a word, Joey came into the room. Pacey glanced away from the windows in faint surprise to see her there, but said nothing as she took a seat, perched on the edge of the couch next to him. There was so much she wanted to say, but she only reached out to touch him, tentatively tracing a finger through the spattering on dark hair on the muscled wall of his bare chest, feeling the warm current of his heartbeat beneath smooth, tanned skin.

Pacey held her gaze, his expression never changing as he reached for her hand. Taking it in his, he pulled her in close, lifting his head to meet her in a gentle kiss. Parting her lips with the slow strokes of his tongue, he slid his other hand up to cup the back of her head, kissing her with such tender passion as he drew her down with him onto the couch. Joey sank into the cushions, into him, lost in his embrace as their tongues softly glided over each other. Capturing her sigh in his mouth, he buried his hands in her long hair, then slid down to the small of her back to hold her there.

He broke away in a series of sweet, lingering kisses, finally reaching down for the drape of the blanket to tug it up and cover them both. Smiling as their eyes met, Joey settled comfortably into the space he opened up next to him. When he wrapped his arms back around, cradling her snug and close, she laid her head on his chest, closing her eyes as he pressed one last kiss to her forehead.

In the end, it had been simple, really, to find her way back into his heart.

All she ever had to do was open hers.